THE BEADY EYE SAY’S GOVERNMENTS ARE FAILING US.

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WHY?

Because they no longer guarantee life and the pursuit of happiness.

I am not talking about you can’t please all the people all of the time.Afficher l'image d'origine

I am talking about when they come together in the United Nations an out of date organisation with no secure means of funding other than begging. Only when signatory nations are prepared to follow suit with firm domestic policies is a UN aspiration somewhat effective. This never happens on global issues as they are afraid of paying the political price.

On something as fundamental as changing the source of energy which is going to cost trillions. Only governments coming together will there be any effect.  They are supposed to be a trustee of the natural resources that citizens depend on for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

In modern society, of course, much of the complexity in our lives is placed there by governments, supposedly acting to “help” us avoid failure or to “protect” us from failure.

Instead they are eroding our liberties by collecting reams of information from your digital footprint. Our societies where you’re free to be whatever you want, feels less and less so each year.

They are selling climate dispensations, flogging off natural resources and revenue earning industries to sovereign wealth funds for short gain profits.

Some failures were obviously. They are failing to adequately address global warming.  It seems to me that Politicians seem to think that the Marketplace will take care of it.

More visible recently were the bailing out of  high-profile banking institutions which are still considered by the government to be too big to fail without threatening the long-term well-being of consumers and the broader economy.

They have created confusing missions that are not be communicated and embraced, and are were easily undermined by rank corruption and unethical conduct, or are beyond careful monitoring through performance measurement and management. They don’t  ‘know’ enough to enable them to make effective decisions about the best way to allocate scarce resources with the top appointees unqualified to lead.

The days are gone when many economists believe in the efficient market hypothesis, which assumes that the market will always contain more information than any individual or government.

The implication is that market prices and market movements should be free from interference because markets cannot be improved upon by individuals or governments. However we all know that the invisible hand of the market place will not bring about the changes necessary.

Which brings us back to the United nations. An organisation so infiltrated by lobbying groups that it is danger onto itself.

The world is in a mess due to greed, and democracy as we know it is under attack from unbridled consumerism and Social Media. We have to accept the reality that markets are not motivated by the priority of care. Nor is it the United nations.

Why don’t we the voters demand better representation?

We must demand that the United Nations pass  binding people resolution placing a World Aid Commission on all High Frequency Trading, on all Sovereign Wealth Funds Acquisitions , on all Foreign exchange transaction over $20,000 on all other form of Capitalist Activities that function for profit for profit’s sake.( see previous posts)

This is the only way we can take care of our world make Greed pay for it.Afficher l'image d'origine

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THE BEADY EYE’S UNPUBLISHED BOOK. CHAPTER TEN. SECTION FOUR.

(Continuation)

Accra port is 30km down the coast towards the Benin frontier in a separate town called Tema.   We arrive early morning at the fish market, which we walk through to the main fishing boat quay wall. Here a guard stops us. Some vigorous pointing at a large fishing vessel with a few smiles gets us past the gates.Afficher l'image d'origine

Most of the docked vessels have little or no deck room to carry a vehicle. Half way up the quayside I spot a potential victim.   It’s a stern trawler with its fishing Company office across the road painted in blue and white fittingly named the Six miles deep Limited Company. After a short wait we are shown into an office. An hour later we have established “Yes we do fish off the Skeleton coast ““You will have to talk to the Nana Prawn”

That evening Nana Barclay Bank has sent us an invitation to join him at his home. He is throwing a large garden party. It is to be the beginning of one of the worst headless chicken run about I have ever play a part in. On arrival we are allocated a table well removed from the all in sundry.   It is our first taste of ethnic group snobbery.   Across the swimming pool and the manicured lawn Mr Nana Barclay’s Bank is installed under a canopy on a large throne type chair greeting the arrival of his quests one by one. To our right under the eves of the main house a few Merc’s are parked. In the middle of the lawn Ghana’s number one band named the High Life are pumping out their latest hits.

Feeling every much on the fringes we watch the proceedings from our distance table. I notice that the Barclay fat cat Nana has a bottle of whiskey under his chair and that when there is a lull in the homage parade he slyly tops up his glass.

I chose my time before venturing over to introduce myself. A fat gold ringed hand firmly welcomes me with a broad smile. I request a glass of decent malt.

“Yes Nana Shrimp is here.” “I will arrange a meeting.”   One hour later I am called over again. Nana Shrimp has arrived. Smartly dressed with perfect polished English he listens to our travels so far and our problem re continuing. Revelling in the surrounding company he broadcast for all in hearing distance that the fleet will be returning in a few days, and he saw no problem in bring us down to Walvis Bay. “Ring me in a few days.” Our host retired, we taking our leave some hours later with renewed hope.

Five days later we have heard no word. A visit to Tema the port offices ensures us that the fleet is to arrive any day.   “Ring us.”

After handbag bashing one evening from Rosetta and two of her cronies for wearing a Rawlings tee-shirt Coco Beach resort is rapidly loosing it appeal. It is time to move.

On the grapevine we learn of a small camping site, which is only reachable by 4×4 or on foot. It is right out on the end of a sandy peninsular on the mouth of the Volta.   A grand council is called. All those interested in waiting for a lift to Walvis Bay are to move to Ada popular with the Ghanaians.

The next morning the Dutch family endears themselves to all by doing a runner. The rest of us set off in convoy one hundred kilometres as the crow’s flies to Ada.   The three Musketeers set the pace. It’s not long before Bob the electrician comes to a halt. His old girl is overheating and he has pulled a ligament in this shoulder from battling with the play in the steering wheel.

On we go at a more sober pace arriving late evening at Big Ada a smart Hotel set on the riverbank run by a German. The campsite is another hour down the river by canoe or drive along the seashore. We arrive at a small village at the start of the narrow peninsular. There is no sign of the three Musketeers we can only presume they are either lost or have decided to cross into Togo. Much to our relief there is also no sign of Dutch.

The first obstacle blocking our way onto the beach is a large marshy pound. Leading the way we all make the beach. The sand is depth. The beach lies at an acute angle to the sea with the sand forming a high ridge some meters above the high water mark. With no exit on to the beach there is no way of driving down the beach to reach the campsite other than driving along the soft sand ridge.   With all the gear a walk job is totally out of the question. There is nothing for it but the big deflation of the tyres.

(Top TIP:   Soft sand driving requires the highest gear possible to avoid wheel spin. Low range third, fourth. Watch the colour of the sand it can tell you a lot.   Practice double-declutching for smooth gear changes.)

We all make it to the end with very hot engines. A small piece of Paradise unwraps itself before us. Crystal clear blue water creeps over golden turd free sands in a small half-moon shaped lagoon that is tucked into the peninsular side of a wide Afficher l'image d'origineestuary.

Our campsite Pitch No 62 is o natural.   Under large Palm trees snuggle protected from the braking surf on the seaside by a high bank of sand we have the place to ourselves. After a long soothing swim we set up home.   Sleeping that night on the roof platform under our nets the stars with all our anxieties are washed away by the tender lapping of the incoming tide.Afficher l'image d'origine

Long before we awake to our first day daybreak is well up in this little spot of Ghana heaven. A fleet of ten to fifteen traditional brightly painted fishing boats each with its own mottos stencilled down the side are gathered at the river mouth.   On a given signal invisible from the shore they run the gauntlet of the sandbars and braking surf to the open sea. With the wonderful feeling of warm soft sand between our toes we spend the day exploring the lagoon.

The seaward side reveals turtle nests. A night visit will hopefully capture an arriving flipper friend in the act of coming ashore from its distant travels.   The lagoon side has a small island dividing the rivers entrance to the sea, which could also be worth a visit.

One day merges into another with my early morning attempts to hitch a lift on one of the fishing boats drawing a blank.

On a visit to Ada post office to find out if there is any progress in getting a lift to Walvis bay we learn that the Dutch rather than pay the local chief a few pittance for assistance spent the night in the marshy pool up to their axel and are now residing in a house at Ada. The phone call confirms that there is still no sign of Nana Shrimp making good on this word. “Yes the fleet is arriving, no the fleet is not arriving.” “Ring again in a day or so.”   It’s the Ghana run around big time.

That evening with the help of some local wacky tobacco Josh and I discover one of the great ecology mistakes of the world. It’s not turtles that are arriving up on the beach but Connochaetes taurinus better known as  Wildebeest’s. On the other hand it’s Turtles that are grazing on the open Savannah.

Day five I awake to the grinding sound of sand. It sounds like a whale has beached itself.   A young face looks up at the platform where I stand naked rubbing the sleep from my eyes. “Come, Come pointing at the beached boat.” My early morning silent signals have paid off twenty black curious faces are waiting my arrival with anticipation. I whip on a pair of trunks and luckily grab a hat.   The note say’s gone to sea.Afficher l'image d'origine

I clamber aboard: to broad smiles > a hush mummer of excited chat.   We rejoin the fleet at the mouth of the river. The outboard bursts into life and I am directed to sit down as we are commencing our seawards run. Except for a bowmen the whole crew has congregated aft.   There are no guard rails. With the whole crew standing up right the smooth water of the lagoon flashes by. Ignoring their anxious hand signals to sit I decide to stand like my fellow seamen. The bow meets the first breaker head on. Thank God for my sea legs. We plunge down the trough to rise sharply in a buck and bronco movement to meet the next growler. The spray brings me fully awake.

The propeller leave the water to bite again as the long narrow vessel turns hard a starboard to take cover behind one of the many sand banks. The throttle is now full open and all eyes remain firmly fixed on the bow as the helm goes over to hard a port. Two more spectacular Aussie lifeboat type surf clearances we turn once more to run along the sea ward side of the last sand barrier to the open sea and smooth waters. All eyes are now turning in my direction. Face splitting smiles all around tell me that I am judged worthy of my fellow seafarers. I have held my deck footing without going overboard. The rest of the fleet joined us on a vast blueness that reflects a cloudless sky.

We commence a large circle. Diving bird are the tell tail signal. The net is paid out over the stern. The circle completed the crew splits in two teams taking their places on the synthetic rope for the long hand over hand haul in.

Akin to two tug war teams one facing the bow and the other the stern we strain back and forth till the net mouth closes. Two youth dive overboard and swim to the mouth of the net where they slap the surface in an attempt to frighten any escapees back into the net. With the net closed both ends are then walked to amidships. The whole net is then heaved with pure physical strength on to the gunnels pouring its contents directly into the hold.

The entire operation taking well over two hours is played out to a background of roysting song.

Before it is time to turn homeward bound a second casting of the net does not produces as good a yield as our first.

The fleet arrives back at the mouth of the river.   A large wooden oar is slipped over the side just forward of the stern. It is indicated to me that this time in no uncertain terms that I should sit.   From the hand language is evident that many a boat has not made it back without capsizing. Each vessel picks its wave for the rolling coaster ride to the calm water of the lagoon. Our turn comes. A wave picks up the stern.   To get the boat up on a plane the throttle is opened wide. We surge forward. So does the catch in the hold due to the lack of bulkheads. The bow begins to dig in. The oar men arm mussel’s strain to braking point to keep her on an even keel. It’s all over in a flash. The boiling surf is left behind. We shoot out of the frothing surf into the river estuary.Afficher l'image d'origine

I am expecting to be left ashore where they had picked me up but there is no sign off that happening. We swept pass the island in the estuary I am hoping to visit. It is obvious that the priority is to get the catch of white bait to the market on time.

I am handed a banana leaf, which I unwrap to find smoked fish. We eat as the fleet makes it way up river. A half an hour later each boat is met by a group of woman standing waist deep with large enamel basins on their heads. The catch is unloaded basin by basin into squares marked out on the sandy rivers edge. One hundred squares of mounded white bait are then auctioned off square by square. Late that evening with a lifetime experience that will be hard to forget I am poled back down river to the campsite.

Several hours later into the evening a young man arrives and hands me my wages. The jester is flabbergasting. He has walked the fifteen miles down the river to deliver my share of the proceeds from the caught. I refuse the money to be rewarded next morning with an early call to go to sea again.

I return from this second trip exhausted with very sore hands. At the auction I learn that the proceeds of the catch is shared out in agreed percentages between the owner of the vessel, the owner of the engine, the owner of the net, the supplier of the fuel, the skipper and lastly the crew in order of rank. I once more turn down my share.

In the morning I am rewarded with the presentation of a freshwater barracuda. A round of very painful farewell handshakes and my new-found friends slide back into river to run the break water gauntlet once more.

I make another trip up river to ring Nana Shrimp.   The news is not great. The fleet is not going to sea for another ten days.   However there is a Russian Cargo ship due to arrive the captain of which is a friend of his. For a small greasing of the hand he is sure that he will take us on board. I have my doubts but as the saying goes ‘nothing ventured anything gained.’

Thanks to my fishermen friends I return down river with two pirogues for a visit to the estuary island. While I was up river a pit in the sand has been dug. Filled with rocks, coconuts shells, Palm tree branches and set alight to heat the stones. Our beautiful fish is dressed with garlic wrapped in tinfoil and buried in the pit. To night will be a feast on barracuda cooked O natural.Afficher l'image d'origine

There is nothing more Safaris like than setting of in a pirogue to cross an African River. The island is about four miles away from our camping site. Four miles of unadulterated turquoise, translucent blue water. To the silver drips of our paddles we set off. The silent smooth blue waters of the lagoon slip by in our own reflections and that of the hull and paddles.   The island approached in slow motion. A ball of blue the green itched into the surrounding blueness, its palm trees outline its shore in infertile motionless detail.   It seemed to grow taller as we approach. A small mango inlet is our landing point. A stone-carved face that makes our goose pimple tingle welcomes us.

Expecting a challenge by some dark face of a tribe yet to be discovered we start-up a small track.   Instead we come upon a deserted village in a small clearing. There is a heavy feeling of being watched by some guarding sprites or painted faces.   No humanoids appeared.

Following each other we pass around the southern end of the island returning to our dugout canoes. Our footprint on the virgin sand will mark our visit till the lapping tide washes all trace of our presence into invisible time.

The north of the island is impenetrable by land.   It is full of a solid thick dead kind of stillness with echoes of ancient ferocity. Even the birds seem utterly silent. Beneath the island canopy we slip by silently gaping at the vegetation struggle to reach the limitless blueness. Cloak of the forbidden enmeshed any thoughts of going ashore. Hidden eyes are everywhere.   It belongs to another world. The cooking fish calls us home.

Sitting around a dining table set in the blue water of the lagoon we are disappointed not to see the odd wildebeest arrive from its distance sea travels. No matter it is an odd feeling eating while one toe’s are being nibbled. Our full stomachs complement the overflowing injection of mother earth beauty.   We are all sorry to be leaving in the morning.

The whole group arrives back in Tema minus the Dutch and the three musketeers whom we assume are by now hacking their way south if not already hacked to death.   Our base is the Tema is a run down joint with an open-air squash court still in use and a cracked waterless swimming pool. It is the Social club that was built to entertain the harbour builders. Pitch No 63 in the car park does have one thing going for it a night watch man.

Another day of it “The ship arrives tomorrow.” “The Ship arrives to-morrow.” “To Morrow.” has our sultan turning grey and our petulance red. We start to look at the possibilities of shipping the vehicles and flying to South Africa.

Josh and I do the rounds of the shipping companies.   “Don’t touch that wanking shipping company. “You will never see you jeep again” “Yes we have a ship next month.” “Fuck me we did not come down in the last shower.” “Not every white man has a fat wallet.”

Day four: Nana shrimp informs us that “The Russian captain ship has arrived.” “It is docked in the container section of the port.” “You must go and negotiate a passage with the captain.”

The maximum bribe agreed Josh and I set out for the docks one more. We park at the container yard gates. A ten-buck dash gets us past the security guard. Emerging from a labyrinth of containers there she is moored to the dockside. The biggest rust bucket I have ever seen. A Davy Jones’s locker if I had ever seen one with all the potential of showing us the raptures of the deep long before she reaches Walvis bay or the scrap yard awaiting her arrival in South Africa.

Up the gangway we go to be met by one of her skeleton crew who shows us the way to the skipper cabin. A strong Russian face dressed in spanking white shorts and shirt extends a hand. He is totally out-of-place with his rusting surroundings. For the next hour over a few large Vodkas I explain our dilemma.   There is no visible acceptance of our proposition till I remove the envelope from my pocket. Running my thumb across the enclosed wad we hear music to our ears. “Ok, Ok we leave to-morrow, five hundred-dollar a vehicle to Walvis Bay.”

Early next morning we park the three vehicles outside the dock gates for customs clearance. I go aboard to inform Captain Rusty of our arrival to be informed that his shipping company in Russia has contacted him with instructions that he is under no circumstances to give us passage.

According to him Nana Shrimp had put a spanner in the works by talking with his company. Descending the gangway I hope that Nana Shrimp ends up in shrimp cocktail with king prawn the Banker. The anti climax is almost insufferable. It’s back to the drawing board.

Two more days of slogging around the shipping companies eventually produces a container big enough for all three vehicles at a price we can muster. The decision is taken that we will all fly to Joe Bourg spend a few days there and then train it down to Cape Town in time to pick our beloved land rovers. Easier said then done.

The first problem presents itself at the door of the container. Williwaw tent platform is too high to fit in. A big deflation of tyres does the trick. In she goes with a few centimetres to spare. All is made secure to the floor of the container with straps. With a large sigh of relief the doors are closed and sealed.

The next problem is Curt the racist terrier. To fly he has to have his rabies injection topped up.   Off we troop to the veterinary college where Curt has a large thermometer rammed up his ass by Ghana’s chief vet. It is decided that the best plan is to tranquillize the little bastard an hour before the flight just in case he sinks his ivories into half a dozen baggage handlers.

The following morning with Curt out of his head in a shoulder bag we all clear customs with no problems. Every thing runs smoothly till he is discovered by one of the cabin crew. Only in Africa would a doped terrier manage to hold up a Boeing 707 for a full hour. By the time it has being decided that the little blighter can travel in the baggage department African patience has worn somewhat thin aboard the plane.

A cardboard box is brought to the end of the stairs. Surrounded by armed security guards Curt is stuffed into the box. His whaling mother mum is lead back up the steps to a round of applauds from the passengers.   The engines come to life its good-bye Ghana.  Afficher l'image d'origine

( To be Continued)

Donations News.

Still to brake Zero.

R Dillon. Account No 62259189. Ulster Bank 33 College Green Dublin 2.

Sorting Code : 98-50-10

 

THE BEADY EYE’S UNPUBLISHED BOOK. CHAPTER TEN: SECTION THREE.

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(Continuation)

We slide down the track into Dixcove. A strong aroma of dead fish and raw sewage hangs in the air to meet us. Watched by an ever-hopeful vulture we slate our thirst in a dingy bar. Wherever we look there are photo opportunities to grace any travel magazines. The old shanty buildings of mud and wood look as weary as the few pathetic palm trees left standing. Like sentries, they cast their cooling shadows in the noonday sun.   We purchase a fish called Skip Jack for dinner back in the car park.

To the annoyance of Florence, the white walls of Metal Cross and its cannons beacon me. Two hours later we emerge after one of the most enthusiastic guided tours by the fort’s caretaker. The piece the resistance is the Blackhole into which new bewildered arrivals were lowered blindfolded to crawl through to their holding cells. “You can stay in the fort if you wish says or guide.” There are two rooms for rent. The very thought sent a shiver down the girl’s backs. We rather face crossing the turd minefield and dine on SkipJack.

We awake to Ghana national Hash day sponsored by Ashanti Gold mines. The runners are hopeful gold miners. Eight hundred cides gets you in the run with the all-important Hash tee-shirt. Running in the noonday sun is only for mad dog and English men. God only knows why I am on the start line. Fortuitously I team up some like-minded we hitching a lift back to Gloria arriving well ahead of the main contenders we are rewarded with cold beers.

That night the Hash turns into a late night of dancing to a steel band that plays the same number over and over for hours and hours non-stop.

It’s headaches all around in the morning.   We spend our fourth day in the surf venturing into Busua for the evening meal.   Over the meal, we run into an Aussie pufter. He turns out to be a left overlander named Harry who caught typhoid from the drinking the local water some years ago and never recovered enough to leave.

(Top TIP: Beaches, car parks, airports, ferry crossings, and the like are places not to leave your tent, vehicle unattended. Hire a watchman.) On Harry invitation, we agree to visit Takoradi in the morning up the coast towards Accra for a spot of shopping.

We arrive late morning dropping Harry off with a warning if he is not back to the Jeep by two pm its shank’s mare for him back to Busua.   The coastal town is nothing to write home about.   A large market constitutes the town heat beat. Set in the middle of a roundabout full of frustrated Ghana cops that spend the day sending the traffic in whatever direction they fancy.

Loaded with American football-shaped Pineapples that you would die for, McVitties, Digestives, Soups, Cheese, Guinness, Sweets, Sprit, Cooking oil, Scallions, Cabbage, Carrots, Tomato sauce just to mention a few of the essentials we arrive back sans Harry.

Over a delicious dinner with Pineapple juice drooling down our chins the decision is taken to move on. One more day is Busua to look after some domestic shores and car perseverance is agreed.

By eleven in the morning, I am covered in oil, and another tee-shirt has bit the dust.

The girl’s stay put in the afternoon I venturing up the beach to a village named Butrue.   Here I bump into Nana Edjuba Thea the village chief. No problem with a cup of tea on this occasion.   Butrue cuddle’s up to a golden sandy beach that runs as far as the eye can see and like Dixcove has a fort that overlooks it. A small river flows between large healthy palm trees into the surf. The village is set like a jewel on the end of a small peninsula that is covered, in lush tropical vegetation. Nana Edjuba informs me if I could buy the Peninsula that he would accept a knocking down fee of one bottle of the locally distilled gin and 50,000 cides.

Back at Busua it is rumoured that a disillusioned geologist in his search for gold bought a similar peninsula for 4000 US $.   Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Arriving back the good news is that Jerry wins hands down with an alleged few hundred thousand voted in the kitty just in case they were needed. We leave for Accra. Our route along the coast passes Sekondi, Cape Coast, Saltpond and Winneba. Each place has its slave forts. Fort Good Hope, fort Patience, fort Orange, and Fort Grossfriedrichsburg to name but a few.

Surprisingly fort Grossfriedrichsburg has not yet attracted a Mac Donald franchise. The day is hot and unbending. Williwaw suffering a blowout, with the welded exhausts cracking once more. We arrive on the outskirts of Accra as darkness descends with a very hot engine. Large cities are difficult enough in daylight to find ones way around combined with a very tired, hungry, and sticky short-tempered passengers it is a nightmare.

Our contact Sam is waiting for our arrival at a restaurant named the Country Kitchen. (Top TIP: If possible you should make up a list of contacts before leaving they can be more than useful when in need.) On completing the country verbal mile of around and around finding him several hours late.   I park Williwaw on a corner but decide to move her across the road. In the dark, I reverse her into a storm drain.   Down she goes with a loud thud on to her back axle. It is the last straw. There is no hope of getting her out. Sam comes to the rescue. Across the road is a gym. He returns in a few minutes with four iron-pumping blokes. With two lifts I am back on the road.

After a drink and something to eat, we set off in hot pursuit of Sam. We are booked into a small hotel a friend of Sam’s.

Accra has no visible landmarks nor does it seem to have any rhyme or reason to its layout or traffic. We seem to drive forever before arriving at a small modern building. The bed is more than welcome.Afficher l'image d'origine

SAfficher l'image d'origineam offices turn out not to be too far from the hotel. He is a well to do Accra newspaper and journal businessman how loves his status and Mercedes more than his family.   He knows everybody worth knowing in the city. It is just what we need as Accra is one of our main visa stops.

Most countries Embassies and consulates are represented in the city if you can find them. Also English being the first language of Ghana is a big bonus when it comes to looking for a visa. The first jobs on hand are to extend our Ghana visa and to get Williwaws strut bars straightened and strengthened. With Sam’s help, a garage is found. After much discussion two starting handles are welded to the back strut to give them added muscle and the exhaust get the once over.

Getting the additional time on our Ghana visas turns out to be easier said than done. The contact list comes to the rescue. There shining in big letters is the Foreign Minister name. Sam is impressed so am I.

A phone call has his driver Oliver on his way with the forms with an invitation to visit Sam’s house that evening which we are sure was not on his list of hospitality duties.

There is not much to see in Accra. A downtown trip with a wander around a huge parade grounds named Independence Square or Black star square as it is referred to by the locals has us wishing for the coast.   Although Accra is built on the coast it is to be five long days before we are to see water again.

Oliver brings the right forms on day three and on day four manages to bring back our passports with a three-month extension.   Sam has had his fill and we have more than our fill of the Triumphal Arch overlooking the square bashing parade grounds, the post office, and Jamestown the small lively commercial centre of Accra.

On the other hand, I have happened on an invitation to Rawlings re-election party in the football stadium. This is an opportunity not to be missed. You only live twice I tell the girls who are not too keen to attend. What a night they missed. It was not my introduction to the flamboyant audacious Mr Rawlings that stole the night but Angēlique Kidjo who gave non-stop performance.Résultat de recherche d'images pour "pictures of Angēlique Kidjo accra ghana"

Out of the wacky tobacco cloud, a spotlight finds me.   What followed begs to be believed.

While Rawlings bodyguards are battering a passage for him through the throng to the stage he stops right in front of me. My chance handshake meeting with coup de main is unlike the Ghana handshake, which usually ends with a click of the thumbs. I receive a firm western handshake from a man who looks more like a cowboy than a Nana dressed in traditional Kente cloth. God only knows if only Sam had got the picture I might be offered a job.

Fleeing Accra we check out of Faraware to Coco Beach camping recommended by the Bible. Will we ever learn? The name itself should have warned us but there is not much choice near Accra. If the extension of our Visa is anything to go by we are going to be around for quite a while waiting on visas for Benin, Togo, and Nigeria. Coco beach one saving grace according to the Bible is that it is popular with overland trucks. This is good news as from here onwards is difficult solo travel so we are hopeful of running into some like-minded travellers. We pull into a plot of shade less land the campsite, Pitch No 61Afficher l'image d'origine

Run by a deranged Accra woman of dubious reputation Coco Beach resort is a rundown joint serviced by one toilet and shower. Lambasted on all sides by disco music at night it is a dump of dumps.   It is to turn out that we shall not forget our stay in a rush. The Bible this time has got it right when it said it was a good place to run into some over Landers.

Parked near the rubbish dump standing on new tyres is a twenty-year-old series three petrol Landrover. Over near the fence are two Trucks with a swarm of small tents pitched out in front of them. Parked near us is a young couple named Josh and Annmarie with a small terrier named Curt. They are also travelling down to Cape Town in Landrover similar to ours bar their tenting arrangement that comes off the roof to covers the bonnet.

The piece the resistance is a Mercedes Mobil home decked out to the nines > owned by a Dutch family who according to Josh hit the headlines of the Dutch Newspapers on their departure expostulating their bravery in taking on such a trip. A few others on foot made up all the happy campers for Christmas.

Over the run-up to Christmas, the topic of conversation is the War in Zaire, the war in Chad, the war in Cameroon, the war in Congo, the war in the Central Africa Republic. There seems to be no way that one can tack around or cross these countries never mind the horror stories coming out of Nigeria.

The brave Dutch family are resigned to throwing in the towel. They had made a fundamental mistake with the Mercedes it is too wide to handle any off-road tracks not to mention its axle clearance.

The twenty-year-old Land Rover turns out to be suffering from an electrical meltdown. It’s proud owned penguin style walking Bob is an English electrician travelling with his rather plumb girlfriend an irresistible target for all short- tempered camp mosquitoes. Unfortunately, while he is up to his oxers replacing the congealed mess of wiring her rather large bikinied rear arse is begging for a bout of malaria.

Josh and Annemarie terrier Curt having being brought up on a diet of black and white photos spends his days demented by any passing dark-skinned humanoids. Josh spends a good part of his time calling him from the foot of various trees.

We also have another new arrival the three young musketeers who are agreed come hell or high water to hack their way through the Congo in their new TDI Landrover.

All in all, we are a mixed bunch waiting to go our separate. For the moment we are tied together awaiting visas, the passing of Christmas, or the confidence to take on the unknown.

For us, it is out with the contact list. Sam has done his bit is there anyone else how could help. How about the chairman of Barclay’s bank he might be useful.

Under a sun hot enough to examine everyone’s deepest emotions the days lumber bye.   The surf is our only relief. The beach is long and disinterested with a nasty undertow. I am to experience it first hand one early morning.

Luckily for one young man, I had taken to wearing fins when swimming. On the second day of our stay at Coco Beach resort, a lanky Australian presented me with the worst kind of dilemma.   Will I or will I not. A billion to one chance had me swimming just beyond the breaking surf when I hear that dreaded cry HELP!   From years of yachting, a drowning man has the grip of despair. Well appreciated by me.

On my second circle of the disappearing hand fortuitously for him, I overcome my fear of leaving my daughter and beloved for another world with or without a visa.

Too exhausted to ask if he was still alive one hour later I leave the fool to roast in the midday sun on the beach. Fanny and Flo are shocked on my return; my hard-earned suntan has all but disappeared being replaced by the shade of an opened coconut. That evening a red lobster backside appeared to thank me. All I can think of is that I hope the stupid blighter will have to stand for the rest of his African overland experience.

God is good, however. That evening up the coast in a posh suburb of Accra   I am rewarded with the discovery of Ryan’s Irish pub. It had just opened. I have no trouble in downing a few ball of malt with a chaser to get rid of those images of the six-mile deep. However, Ryan’s is to have a sting in its tail, which arrived on Christmas Eve.

After failing to recognise Fanny on the street she having a change of hairstyle for the Christmas Festivities I am left to my find my own way home with Williwaw.   The girls returned to base with Jose and Annmarie, so Williwaw and I have no trouble in finding Ryan’s.Afficher l'image d'origine

The X-Pat – American brigade in Ryan’s are also on their way home.   All encounters in the pub whether they are Accra Nanas, gold panniers, bull shiters, lost accountants, or just plain ordinary blokes have a story to tell.

Several hours later in no condition to walk in the early hours of the morning I rolled out into the night more than three sheets to the wind. Oblivious to the following blue lights there seemed to be a new slackness in Williwaws steering.

I am waltzing my merry way back to Coco Beach. Suddenly surrounded by a swarm of assorted police I am helping from the driver seat with the assistance of a very painful cold gun barrel up the nose.

The Blarney Stone is in for an extreme test. Thank god for Irish.

(Top TIP: You never really learn to swear until you learn not to drive with drink aboard.   Passport, Passport! )

” Nil thigem me” “English, you are English”. I am brought around to the back of Williwaw.   Pointing the gun at GB > “English”.   “Nil.” > Pointing at the IRL.   “Irish”. My nose is in the process of swelling when it is decided that I should follow them back to the station. I am told to drive Williwaw.

The rain starts a thunderous drumming on the tin roofs, and my head starts throbbing as I try to avoid the braking lights in front of me. The convoy arrives at a large flat grey building. I am put sitting in front of a large desk. An hour of Passport demands with two trips to the back of Williwaw. GB? IRL? Still preserving with on speak the English, Irish only.

A large book lies open on the desk. “Where are you staying?” “Nil thigem me” “You’re in big trouble.” “You will have to appear in court.” NIL THIGEM ME!

Dismissed from the large desk morning light is creeping in over the windowsill.   A large man appears in army camouflage uniform. Pointing at me the man behind the desk calls him over. What a sight I must be. A bright swollen nose with a look of total bafflement   “You served with the Irish in the United Nations.” “Can you ask him for his Passport?” He walks in my direction. Good morning I am Mr—- “Nil thigem me.” He turns to address the man behind the table. “ The Irish are all like this over Christmas the best thing to do is to let him go.”   I can believe my ears when I hear that I am a lucky man. “You can go.” Jesus that was too close for comfort. Whoops spoke too soon. “You escort him back to where he is staying” orders the man behind the desk.

I arrive back at Coco Beach with the blue flashing lights to awake the whole campsite.   A wave from the driver window sees my escort wave back in true Christmas spirit. To the alarm of Fanny and Florence on all fours, I crawl into the tent and crash out.   They have the sense to let sleeping dogs lie.

Christmas day starts with a large dose of humble pie. Curt has a red bow. I have a red nose. The rewiring is completed and Cass the girlfriend has taken to wearing long trousers after a bout of malaria.   The newspaper Dutch have turned into parasites. The Musketeers have decided on a route through the Congo.   By the time I surface the over Lander’s Christmas party is about to start or more to the point it has already started.

Feeling like Rudolph the red nose reindeer I wander over to the bar for the hair of the dog that bit me. “Happy Christmas.” “Many happy returns.” Ah! “You do speak English.” Fuck I’m nobbled.   “What would your children like for Xmas?” “A dash for Christmas cheer would not go astray”. “Thanks be to Jesus for that.”   The dark vapour shape behind last night’s desk smiles as if to say I always get my man.

Christmas night starts in earnest with a visit to the 7th Son of Jesus Church. It is packed to the gunnels. The altar is adorned with a five-piece Band, a backing group of halleluiah woman who could be heard on the other side of the galaxy. With a roving microphone, we are all asked to introduce ourselves to the faithful. After an hour of praising God no high in high-octane, it is not difficult to see why Ghana’s shops and business are named in such a way that you are not sure what you are entering for. Such as Fanny reappeared from the hairdresser called THE Divine Beauty Salon that she now wants to change too – God help You Salon or O! Well If I must look like these don’t laugh. In Ghana every lorry, taxi is bejewelled with signs on how to get to heaven. Be Merciful. Who cares God knows why. There is only one way up.   We dance and boogie until the early hours of the morning.

The New Year is not long in coming with the serious business of finding a way forward. Josh and I decided to pay a visit to the port to see if there is any possibility of securing a passage by ship to Walvis Bay in Namibia.Afficher l'image d'origine

( To be Continued)

 

 

THE BEADY EYE’S UNPUBLISHED BOOK. CHAPTER TEN. SECTION TWO.

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( continuation)

Williwaw to Florence’s horror is in no time attracting the normal vendors, give me’s, dogs, and no good do ours. The egg vendor having made a successful sale is commandeered to point out where the Mission lies. Up he pops on to the driver’s footstep, “OK left that right, straight on that’s left.   He has the gift of giving Irish directions. If I were you I would not start for here. I follow the pointed finger rather than the verbal and to my surprise arrive in a large yard sporting a workshop capable of repairing the whole of Ghana armed forces vehicles.Afficher l'image d'origine

We are welcome is in a strong German accent by Brother Keith. Our feet are no more on terra firma when we are off on a guided tour of the Missions piggery, chicken farm, and plantations. The Goldmine whereabouts are not revealed. In the meantime, Williwaw exhaust is under the acetylene torch for a re-welding.   Brother Keith suggests that we make camp in the Plantation for the night. We arrive at the gates to the Plantation to find that they are closed. The water pumps shut down with the security guard long gone home. Fanny is travel weary. Bole has nothing to offer other than a dose of fleas. We pass a flat dusty area with a small mud hut in the middle. Pitch no 58.

Bright and early next morning finds us all much rested making good mileage on a tar surface our target is Kumasi. The capital of the Ashanti region said to have the biggest market in western Africa. We make it a far as Techiman.

Here we stop outside a pink church. This time it is a Catholic mission unlike the sole welcome from Brother Keith we a confronted by the church committee and a few hundred children from the adjacent school. We are allocated the football pitch for Pitch No 59. Over the next few hours, we are bestowed with gifts of fruits. There is no stopping the line of people arriving with their gifts of welcome. A small mountain of Pineapples, Bananas, Papaws, Cacao, start to grow higher than Williwaws roof.

The early TV cooking class by Fanny is attended on mass with standing room only. To our amusement, a flash from my camera to record the attendance causes a near stampede. Oblivious to our need for some privacy some of the spectators sit on the grass within spitting distance in total silence observing our every movement.   After the cooking show the village dignitaries, one after another introduced themselves using their long formal names. Each one state when he was born, where he was born and what village they came from. It is not long before we get our first taste of Ashanti culture. A man approaches in a traditional dress. Black-robed with leather flip-flops a formal invitation is issued to join the villagers in the church in the morning.

The Ashanti region covers a mere 24,390sq km area. Founded in 1701 by Osei Tutu the region was annexed by the British from the gold coast colony after a war in 1873. There then king Prempeh 1 was exiled to Seychelles in 1901 and allowed back in 1906 ingratitude of the Ashanti steadfastness to the Allies in world war one.

It is said that the Sir Frederick Hodgson in 1900 demanded a Gold stool known as the Sika Dwa be handed over so he could park his ass on it. This golden stool embodied the soul of the Ashanti people. Neither the Asantehene nor the kings were allowed to grace the stool with their rears. The original, which had arrived down from heaven was the symbol and the foundation of the kingdom in the 17th century.   Fortunately, the Ashanti royal family had anticipated him providing him with a fake stool. The original had been hidden.

We all sleep wondering how many rows of eyes will be awaiting or waking in the morning. The first up is Florence to a round of applauds. Caught creeping out of her sleeping bag by the awaiting multitude she is the Asantehene of the moment with every woman wanting to touch her blond hair. Next is Fanny. With no affects whatsoever she makes strong appeals for some privacy. “I don’t live in a zoo”. Breakfast is a difficult meal.

The first job of the day on hand is to return without offending our hosts our mountain of fruit.   Explanations that it is impossible for us to fit, never mind eating the mountain all fall on deaf ears. In the end, sanity prevailed with the mountain being returned in the order of village echelon. This exercise takes hours as each village member once again introduced him or her self again with the full trimmings.

It is late afternoon and we are not relishing our formal visit to the pink church. It turns out not to be forgotten. On entering we are once again presented to the church VIP and the worshippers. What follows puts us to shame. Two beautiful carved wooden stools are presented to us in honour of our visit. I make a pathetic speech of thank before we all troop outside the church door for the obligatory photo.   A visit to the school it the next duty.   The whole school, teachers and students are awaiting our arrival. With a request to speak to them from the village elder we are presented formally.   In my best Irish brogue, I give them a short rundown on us.   From where we have come, and where we hope to go. Our third formal introduction to the elders follows.

One by one, full name, date of birth, origin, and status position. A guided tour of the school was next on the afternoon line-up.   Fanny looks at me in despair.   Luckily unknown to the girls before hitting the pit I had slipped off last night with the last man to be introduced Abou for a bottle of Guinness. I explained to our captured audience that I had promised Adou to visit his Plantation before we set off on our way in the morning. It made no difference as all two hundred children, teachers, elders tag along as we set off down into a maze of high Tropical growth. Pineapples, Papaws, Mangos, Chillies, Yams, you name it all grew in six months.   The piece the resistance according to Abou is his Palm wine still. Thank God we did not have to sample any of the wine. Past experience of three-day palm wine had left its mark. Once bitten not bitten twice thank you?

Suffering from lockjaw and throbbing face from hours of smiling we give a hoot to signal our early departure. Nothing stirs. Our route is across the Kwahu Plateau to Kumasi 107km as the crow flies, or 6º 41N -1º 35W. We make good time arriving early evening.   A room with a bath is top on the list. Check into a hotel recommended in the bible we soak, soak, soak, and sleep. The morning breakfast bill is an unadulterated rip-off. So much for the Bible, it could do with its information being dated. The manager is called.

“You are not dealing here with raw prawns, 8000 cides for three boiled eggs.” “It’s possible to buy a chicken farm for the same amount” One hour later with Fanny threatening damnation on the hotel in her next tourist guide publication a reduction of 700% reflects the going price of an eouf.

We move to the Kings hotel, which seems to have the price of omelettes right.

The Kumasi previously known as Coomassie derives its name from the Kum tree and seat. Akan speaking Ashanti people, who are named mostly after the days of the week, populate it. In modern-day Ghana, it remains an energetic city with its own Ashanti courts and a royal family. It is for some time our first taste of the city. Supermarkets, Banks, post office, co2.Afficher l'image d'origine

Into the hustle and bustle, we go armed with a map. The first call is the Market one of Africa biggest. Markets with all their smells, movement, noise, colour, give one a wonderful sense of being. The countries economic heartbeat pulses before your eyes. Our taxi drops us off at one of the many entrances. A mass of corrugated roof stalls spread out as far as we can see. A frontal attack looks far to life-threatening so we skirt the outer east boundary as if shy to enter. Here we find the main railway that circles the core market peppered on both sides with stalls that only move on hearing the blast of the train’s horn. From on top of the railway embankment, the brown rusty roofs of the market nestle as if welded together in a hollow.

Down we go disappearing in a flash under a canopy of galvanised tin. There are no organised isles leading to a checkout. No prices, no bar codes, no see your face on the floor, no artificial light, no trolleys, no massive car park, no loyalty cards, no buy one get one free, no name tags, no crèche, no credit cards. There is, however, that wonderful African quality dignity with a smile no matter how bad business is.

We wander for hours through well-defined areas, spices, flour, rice, and fresh tomato puree, vegetables, fruit, meat, fish, tub aware, plastic bottles, stainless steel, guns, medical cures, tablets, silk, tailors, firewood, sunglasses, shoes, car parts, money exchanges, greegree, jewellery, tapes, records, you name it and it is to be had.

A few items we noticed that might be hard to find these days were smoked bush meat and fetish items. The whole lot it is governed by supply and demand, market prices and market laws. We emerge into the sunshine promising ourselves another dose before we say our goodbyes.

Our second Kumasi day is Fannies. She has the bit between the teeth and is single-minded in that we are off to meet Nana for a cup of tea in the palace grounds.   She had met him back in London in the late sixties. The thirty odd stone Ashanti king had given her an open-ended invitation to call on him if she happened to be in the area.   Learning once more the use of the indicators and the horn we all troop across town in Williwaw to Manhyia the Asantehene’s Palace.Afficher l'image d'origineAfficher l'image d'origine

Arriving at the palace, which is colonial in its caricature we are directed to the secretary’s office. The only permanent resident in the offices is a large black cat. People roam in and out at will.   Fanny leaves a note with the cat for his highness. We learn that he will be meeting some of his Chieftains on Monday.   Come along and watch.

We console Fanny with a visit to the Prempeh II Jubilee Museum to see the fake stool, and a leather sack, which according to tradition if opened will cause the downfall of the Asante nation. But not to worry, as across the road there is a sword if pulled from the ground will have the same effect according to another legend.   Perhaps King Arthur had a practice session down here. We did not try. It looked like that the end was near, and the whole Asante culture, nation, is going to be conquered by rust.

Rust or not I am rapidly becoming ineffectual due to thirst. A watering hole is needed.   Some minutes later while pleasurably sipping a cool Guinness down the street comes a parade of people dressed in traditional black, sandals shuffling in my direction to the sound of drums.   Dancing is considered a highly recommended way of communication. This approaching thud was sure interconnecting with Fanny.   In a flash, she is up joined in the march past.   Hopping up and down in full swing with the rhythms till I bring her attention that to the rear of the procession is a coffin. How was she to know it was Ntan drumming? An Asante style of playing highly decorative drums to see the departed on their way to the pearly gates. We call it a day retiring to a swimming pool behind our hotel.

A visit to the Asante Gold mine Obuasi for a spot of lunch and a guided tour sounds a good idea. It is one of the largest open cast gold mines in the world. As a shareholder, I ring the mine.

(Top TIP: It a good move to invest in a few hundred shares in select corporations operating in Africa prior to departing they might give you a free meal or two.)

The mines PR man cannot make up his mind if he works in the mine or outside. It all sounds too messy to risk the 70km trip out-of-town so we decide to buy the tee-shirt and mess about town. Tomorrow is the royal oath.

One more with feeling we arrive to see Nan.   Entering the palace grounds we find a small crowd sitting under the shade of the royal trees. Apparently, four new district chief are to take the royal oath. The heat of the day marks time but Fanny’s determination to achieve her goal cannot be deflected. I take a walk over to the royal courts.   Five hardened thugs are up for swiping tomatoes. The outcome of the case I did not learn.   All four judges dressed in their Kente robes stood up all of a sudden and marched over under their sun umbrellas to the palace grounds the case can wait. The Oath of allegiance ritual is about to begin.

I arrive back to the girls to learn that the whole event is taking place inside the palace.   Apparently, Otumfuo Opoku-Ware II Asantehene is so fat he has outgrown the palace doors   Being the only ones not dressed in black robes, sporting a lighter shade of red from the sun we have no chance of infiltrating the chamber. I hoof Florence to a round of clapping from the multitudes stretched out under the royal king palm trees up on my shoulders for a squint through one of the windows. She gets somewhat a wobbly viewing of the proceedings.

In a tropical downpour, we eventually retire to the pool for a swim > Wonderful.

The next day after eight-hour driving including a company tour of the Goldmine we emerge gold dust free to that superb sight of the braking surf at Busua beach. Pitch No 60

Busua is a Jerry Rawlings resort 230 odd km west of Accra, 4º 46 N 2º 07 W. We are here because we are advised to avoid Accra for a few days due to elections.   How knows there might be another coup.   Mr Rawlings is a dab hand at coups.   Back in 1972 to take power he executed a few of his foe. But in 1979 he did a commendable thing for an African dictator. As promised when he took it over in 1972 he handed the country back to civilian power.

The next three years saw a country blessed with natural wealth plunged into debt till our man once more held another coup.   Son of a Scottish pharmacist he is Ghana current president and looks like remaining so with the help of the USA for some time to come.

Built for I billion cidies in 1996 Pleasure Beach hotel in Busua is a modern complex with twenty beach chalets with a restaurant and bar central block. Suffering from a large dose of African inanity the whole place is run by a beauty queen named Gloria.   Busua village in its own right gets quite a write-up in the bible mention as a favourite meeting place for over Landers.Afficher l'image d'origineAfficher l'image d'origine

Once again the Bible gets the prices of accommodation and the like way of the current mark. We spend two nights in one of the Hotel Chalets receiving a bill that puts in plain words the modern meaning of the Gold coast.   We move to the car park designated as their camped area for the rest of our enforced stay. It is not hard to see how Busua was once popular before the arrival of Pleasure Beach which has led to the disappearance of any genuine over Landers, not to mention the palm trees.

On day three of our stay, we wander over to Dixcove a small fishing village. It’s a short walk up the beach and over a hill. To our horror, less than ten minutes up the beach we find the local lavatory awaiting the incoming tide. Perhaps the hotel derived its name from such oblivious pleasure.   Shunning the crap minefield we cross a dubious small but deep stream. A steep climb follows up through the last of the surviving palm trees till we emerge overlooking the Cove.  Afficher l'image d'origine

Afficher l'image d'originePerched high on the rock cliff overlooking the cove is our first Slave trade fort. It is not difficult to envisage anchored in the small bay a large slave ship.

Descending the slope metal crosses built by the Portuguese stands in a silent proclamation to man’s greed.

All along this coastline forts built by the French, Portuguese, Dutch, British, Swedes, and Danish had doors of on return. Not so long ago over 10 million slaves were dragged through these doors to be packed like sardines on slave ships bound to the USA. The Gold Cost originally got its name from the slave trade meaning the payments made to slave hunters. It’s only one hundred and ninth five years ago that the USA abolished slavery. Their human stories remain a strong magnetism for any visitor to Ghana.

(To be continued)

 

THE BEADY EYES UNPUBLISHED BOOK. CHAPTER TEN.

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Afficher l'image d'origine

 

 

GHANA.Afficher l'image d'origine

WHAT WE KNOW

GOLD. SLAVE TRADE. ASHANTI. CACAO. COUPS. FLIGHT LIEUTENANT JERRY RAWLINGS. BRITISH COLONY. ACCRA.

Still shaken by our narrow escape we spend our first two days in Ghana pitched in the backyard of the customs. Pitch no 53&54. I give Williwaw a once over while the girls replenish their strained nerves.

Our first day back on the road sees us stopping in a small village just outside Tamale the Northern Capital of Ghana founded by the British in the 1900s as an administration centre. Fanny searches out the elders of the village for permission to camp.

(Top TIP: It is good policy to request camping approval when pitching near a village. The stamp of approval gives an element of protection. The courteousness in doing so is more than just good manners.)

In no time we are directed to a suitable spot. Pitch no 55 is a rooftop pitch. Every move we make is watched by the locals with the same intensity as that of a movie audience that is gripped by the hero’s dying words. The whole show is topped off by Fanny’s 7pm cooking program.

By the time the last set of unblinking eyes have returned to the village the girls are sound asleep.   I sit sipping a whisky listing to the African night sounds that I have become used to so far > the chainsaw sound of the forever present of crickets > The clanging sound of kamikaze flying insects against our hanging light. One of which is bound to do an Acapulco dive into whatever you are drinking.

Enjoying my large ball of malt there is, however, another faint sound drifting on the warm evening air > A drum. Another soon joins it, and then another.   Soon there is the champagne of rhythm so magnetic my heartbeat is keeping time. The snoring from the rooftop is also in time reassuring me that I will not be missed. I finish my whiskey arm myself with a stick and venture towards the village.

(Top TIP: Unannounced, unaccompanied, night village visits are usually met by sets of snarling canine teeth.) 

My entrance to the village is dog ivory free. As a complete stranger, I receive spontaneous hospitality. To attempt to describe such open hospitality is impossible. It’s a welcoming that only a real traveller can appreciate. It restores one’s belief in human nature and it is one of the great rewards of real travel. Not like the welcome one gets on making landfall, which is to a great extent somewhat false, short termed and governed by opportunity. This welcome is governed more by traditions handed down from one generation to the next.

I am immediately given the seat of honour. Right beside the Rat-tat tatter (a piece of tin that is being walloped with a stick) and the bass drum which is held by a small boy whose job is to hold it in place. As the beat increases the square is dampened down with water. The gig is full swing. With no common language, my ears vibrate to the rattle of my teeth. I am treated as an equal.

Three and half-hours later I slip into my sleeping bag but sleep is impossible. My brain is telling me that I am lying on a tin roof that is being belted with a frying pan.

Thankfully in the morning, the night’s gig has reduced the ratings for the breakfast show. We awake to find just a few of the elders sitting, waiting patiently for the main actors to rise and shine. Fanny breaks wind while I break camp. Before leaving we reward our loyal fans with reading glasses and an Instamatic photo in exchange for two yams. A short dusting later we arrive in Tamale the Capital of the North.

Tamale is covered in the same red dust that is covering Williwaw so we merge well with the surrounding traffic and buildings. The whole place is a large junction town with nothing to offer but the choice of straight on, turn right or left to get out as quick as possible.

We have the misfortune to spot a Chinese restaurant. Over no 46 with fried rice, Florence’s expresses her craving to see a proper African animal such as an Elephant or a Lion. It draws our attention to Mole Game Reserve laying to our west.

Getting to the Park is a cakewalk according to the Bible. A fuel stop later we turn right into the red dust haze and the sun.   We are on our way to our first Safari.   Safari comes from the Masie word for a journey. Our car chin waging summons up all the mysteries of the Dark Continent.   David Attenborough, here we come. Fuelled by years of National Geographic, Tarzan, Africa of our childhoods beckoned. It’s the real thing at long last. Trackers examining fresh signs while in the distance vultures swirl in decreasing circulars marking death, a kill.

We stop at an Asian shop for supplies and exchange 200 ff on the black market for 65000 Cedi.   Trundling along in the dust once more my stomach rumbles to no 46. Williwaw brakes begin to whine, as does Florence “how much further from here.”

The ride is uncomfortable due more so to our tyre mix than the need to travel at a reasonable speed over the corrugations.   We are forced to stop. The fine red dust has penetrated the brake discs. Luck is with us. Doctor Landrover is just up the road. In no time the brakes are on his operating table. A methodical cleaning is administered. Much to Florence’s annoyance all is done in unrushed African time. Every item is scrutinized.Afficher l'image d'origine

By the time we arrive at the gates to Mole’s National Park which is sponsored by Kumasi Brewery limited it is not just my stomach that is protesting. The main game lodge is a large run-down building. The stagnated water in the swimming pool should have warned us that this 2000 sq kilometre Game Reserve on its last legs.

If the pool was not warning enough the immediate the demand for 500 Cedi by the new park manager is such an off-putting greeting it almost makes us turn tail.   He is rewarded by a red dusting dressing down from Fanny and me only to be saved from further abuse by a cold beer.Afficher l'image d'origine

It sure did not look like above. The whole complex sat on an escarpment overlooking a large waterhole that was about half a kilometre away.

The room accommodation on offer is far from appealing.   We opt for a rooftop pitch No 56 overlooking a large watering hole just outside the lodge fencing.   While Fanny and I set up camp a very excited Florence stands transfixed by a large grey shape approaching us. “It’s an Elephant! An Elephant. “Sure enough old Tusker is on his way down to us.   The girls take to the roof platform. There is no need to panic for this fellow has seen it all before. Whether he likes it or not he is our first large if far from wild African animal.   Out come the cameras. Click, click.Afficher l'image d'origine

It is to be much later in our travels that we are to learn that the best pictures of wild animals are captured by patient observation. Indeed the very words Game Park/ Reserve somehow or other smudges our feelings that we are in the presence of a wild animal. We are also to learn that viewing an animal down the lens of a camera is not the way to appreciate its glory. Thank God we are not packing a video recorder.

Photographed from every angle tuskers eventually ambled off with the view that he is not being paid enough to be the opening star of Mole Reserve. With the excitement over, we settle down to supper. There is one thing for sure tusker has wetted our anticipation. Our next visitor is blue balls a black-faced Vervet monkey. (Top TIP: Buy a widow catapult you will need it to keep these cheeky blighters at bay.) Common to almost all game reserves they have little or no fear of man. They will raid your tent, seal your wallet, and give you the two fingers.   They are one of the few animals to have developed different sounding alarm calls that not only identify the predator but signal what the action is to be taken. Each alarm sounded tells the troop whether to bail out of the trees due to an incoming martial eagle, or run for hell or leather up a tree on spotting an advancing leopard.

All of this knowledge we are of course ignorant of. For the moment all we knew is that we have not seen there like before. More importantly, we learn that if it is a peaceful night rest you are looking for don’t park under their chosen roost.

A harsh barking sound in the distant awakes us. From the warmth of our sleeping bags, it sounds like someone with a bad case of smokers a cough. Emerging from the tent I spot a small troop of Baboons on their way to the waterhole. A large male escorting the group is the source of our early morning awaking.

After a late breakfast, we venture out on our first sortie. Staying close to the main buildings we soon realize that only mad dogs and English men go out in the noonday sun. There is no sign of any movement. The silence is absolute, and it seems impossible to get enough air. We struggled back to camp for a siesta with a plan to take a guide in the morning and venture up-country in the park.

Being the only park visitors, and more importantly equipped with a Land Rover our request to go up to the parks northern camping site is received with great enthusiasm. All is arranged for an early start.

Next day all three Mole game rangers are awaiting us. After some explanations, we depart with one rifle armed ranger on the roof. It’s not long before it becomes quite apparent even to us novus safari faiers that we are being taken for a ride. The first give away is the condition of the dirt track. Tricky driving would be an understatement.Afficher l'image d'origine

The first stream crossing causes Williwaw and us more than the usual unease. In less than three kilometres into the trip, Williwaw is now pushing her way through tall elephant grass showering us with grass seeds. The chances of seeing any wildlife are as good as the possibilities of seeing a bottle of Star lager made by our park sponsors.

The main problem is that we are committed as there is no possibility of making a U-turn. On we go arriving at the Parks central camping site some hours later. It’s a total dump convincing us beyond a doubt that this Safari outing should be terminated > this far and no further Mr Ranger. Zack our main ranger has to admit that no Park Rangers have being up the track for months. In the morrow, it is back boys back down the track before the Moles undermine it any further.

Zack guides us through some large trees out onto a lava rock covered area surrounded by large trees with a small water hole pitch no 57. On the rock surface, there is no alternative but to camp on the roof.   Watched by our fascinated ranger the whole camp operation takes thirty minutes.

For those of you who are interested in our rooftop set up designed by me.

Most commercial rooftop units on the market offered limited space with very cramped accommodation. Williwaws full roof rack apart from the front storage rack where we keep our empty water or jerry cans had the retaining walls removed leaving the frame flush with the Jeeps roof. On to the frame I placed three large boards. They make up our tent floorboards. The first floorboard the motherboard is permanently fixed to the roof rack frame. The two remaining boards each of the same dimensions as the motherboard rest on top of the motherboard. All are held in position for travelling by two large bolts that drop through all three boards. Using the same principle as sliding drawers I then designed two drawers frame to fit the boards. They could be pulled out and closed minus the bottoms on either side of the roof rack.

First, the floor retaining bolts holding our tent floorboards are removed. Once remover the floor frames are pulled out on opposite side of Williwaw. From the waving pipe attached to the underside of the roof rack the adjustable frame legs. With the frames level set, we then slide the two floorboards sections into the frames. Bob’s your uncle a level area to erect our six-man tent. Next, we peg the tent secure in position by large wing nuts bolts dropped through pre-positioned holes in the floor.

Mount our ladder from under the roof rack. We hang our sleeping compartments, our mosquito nets, put our army beds and bedding into our sleeping quarters, plug-in our reading lights.

From a distance, we are sure to Zack that Williwaw looks like as some type of alien craft that has just landed on the hard rock. He stands gobsmacked till I beckon him to dinner.

An after-dinner visit a small waterhole has our Ranger convinced that we are in the presence of poachers.   Gods only knows what they are hunting as we had not seen a living thing all day long. Their comments add a sense of danger that we could do without.

A game of cards, a large ball of Irish whisky, and some reassuring words to the girls see us all in bed early. I bed Zack down, gun and all for added security against possible poachers in the tent porch. We all sleep soundly awaking bright and early to the now very familiar call of the ring-necked dove coo coco. Zack is already up. Florence puts it gracefully he is out looking for fresh poo.

Although we are camped on a hard rock surface there is a disquieting lushness about our site. Like most of us, we have a vision of African game reserves as being open places with never-ending stretches of grassy plains, sprinkled with flat-topped acacia trees. This is due to excessive exposure of Masi Mara television images in the spring when in fact there are many arid regions and not too many Forests.

By the time Zack returns we are ready to go. He once more reports that there are poachers about. What did I tell you say’s Florence he has found fresh poo so we all marched over to the waterhole to have a look. A hand full of black stuff and some very smart rounded type stuff, brown in colour, confirms our collective opinion that whatever had dumped it had done so months ago.

Just in case we hit the road with some urgency before the moles indeed undermining the track. Florence enquiries of Zack if it’s true that the wild Ghana moles make the holes in the track. “Yes and no, sometimes it’s the ants.” The journey back is long hot and arduous, impossible for any run of the mill vehicle.   The only highlight is a Warthog.   Arriving back without one a wildlife phototrophy to write home about we are covered in grass seed. The rest of the day is a right off.

That night I like a fool try a local Ghana dish, which looks like wallpaper plastering glue > A catastrophe. An early night is on the cards. The waterhole produces nothing of interest and we are just about to call it a day when Fanny comes running up to the ladder out of breath. Old tuskers looking exhausted, and pissed off is on the move behind the tent.

Next morning long before tuskers realises that we are also pisses off we cross the southern boundaries of the park after seventy or eighty miles of bone-shuddering corrugations that has us all at the end of our tethers.

From the park entrance at Larabanga we drive west through non descript villages with wonderful sounding names such as Kabanpe, Grupe, Nyanoa, Swala, Mankuma, Bogada, and the Dole. Eventually, we roar into Bole for a well-earned Guinness.   Williwaw has once more cracked her exhaust pipe.

Fanny reading the Bible comes to the rescue the Mission in Bole is a good place to stay the night.   Bole has all the gloomy charm of the other villages we have passed > A few shabby houses facing each other across a pothole, rutted, rippling, and dust-covered road.

(To be continued)

All donations much appreciated; R Dillon. Account no 62259189. Ulster Bank 33 College Green. Sorting Code: 98-50-10

 

 

 

 

THE BEADY EYE’S UNPUBLISHED BOOK. CHAPTER NINE.

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BURKINA FASOAfficher l'image d'origineAfficher l'image d'origineAfficher l'image d'origine

 

 

What we know:

Landlocked. Poor. Military Coups. French Colony. Formerly Upper Volta. Flat. Hot. Droughts. Donkeys. Aids.

 

Time has disappeared from our daily lives but we know it is early November. Whether Fanny or I will ever revisit the Dogons seems highly unlikely and whether they will survive is another question. Spot lighted by UNESCO, the Malians are exploiting their culture for what it is worth. Our feeling is that our Animist friends will not be visiting or be visited by the outer Galaxy for much longer. It is far more likely that Big Mac will land and destroy them. In the mean time long may they believe that hashish comes from outer space.

(Top TIP: Visit soon.)

With unexpected ease we clear the police and customs at Koro crossing into the Fatherland of the Just Men or the Country of the Honourable people some miles later at Ka In.   Our chosen route will virtually cut Burkina Faso in half describes by bible as one of the poorest countries in the world < A vast lateritic plateau of some 274-200 sq km populated by roaming donkeys, with potholes capable of swallowing Concord.

It is not long before our dirt road has us healing to port with one wheel on top of the rut and the other locked in the gutter. Williwaw wheelbase is not quite wide enough to handle the truck ruts so we drive along the ruts at a 20º angle. Some times we are able to drive in the middle with a high likelihood of slipping off and breaking our repaired half shaft.   Fortuitously it is not long before the track improves widening to accommodating both potholes and corrugations.

Ouagadougou the capital our target lies eighty plus odd kilometres to the south of us at 12º 22′ N and 1º 28′ W. It is just one of those short Fanny hops on the map. Afficher l'image d'origine

The passing countryside is arid, flat, dotted with the odd surviving tree all watched over by a squadron of nature’s undertaker’s vultures.   Their necks turning with the same sinister movement of a high security camera scanning the earth smoothly and relentless for an ass that did not use the zebra crossing or has unfortunately disappear down one of the six meters deep roundabouts.

Our first witnessed vulture banquet is an explosion of survival of the fittest. In the inertia of the day’s heat, the stillness of land is shattered in a frenzy of feeding that blow apart the harmony of nature. Its harshness; its fury; its nakedness brings all awareness of time to a full stop.

Florence is enraptured by the horror of the explicate lesson from natures undertakers and Fanny is awakened to African wild life.   I promise to tell every Irish nacker to book his or hers holidays somewhere else.   There is an Irish expression “When a donkey bray’s a tinker dies”Afficher l'image d'origine

Some miles pass Ouahigouya the capital of northern Burkina we come upon a roundabout full to capacity. Deep within its bowls, lying on its side is a beer truck. Judging from the amount of waiting trucks, the empty cans and bottles it has been some days since it fell in. Off to its left there is yet another truck stuck up to its oxters in mud and deep reddish water. Any way around is totally blocked. We learn from one of the driver that a bulldozer is on its way, but it could well be a few days before it arrives.

This news is not surprising. Remembering that nothing is ever quite as it seems in Africa we have long come to appreciate that nothing ever happens quite as it is supposed to. Back in the capital of Mali there were men in western business suites were eating French food flown in by Air France while a few hundred clicks down the road Dogons collect soil from below their escarpment to grow the odd vegetable.

The quagmires to the right and left of the dirt track are to say the least uninviting. While the thought of spending four days waiting for a Caterpillar that might never make it due to odd missing part. Or for that matter staying put surrounded by an unlimited source of warm beer is far from appealing to the girls or me.Afficher l'image d'origine

I walk down into creator to have a look only to emerge with a coating of red lock tight mud right up to the balls that dries in the sun instantaneously cracks and flacks off like pealing paint with every step to hear an engine roar. Hallelujah it is the Cat. Not so. One of the awaiting trucks has come to life. The driver with the help of a few dozen bottles of Sobra the nationally brew beer followed by a few shots of Chapalo the local made millet beer, has cracked in the noonday sun.

Glazed eye he mounts his charge. In a cloud of exhaust fumes releases the clutch. Like a charging elephant he plunges headlong into the jaws of the trap to a round of approving applause from the thirsty on lookers he comes to a steaming halt.   All is not what it seems in Africa.

Braving the imaginary snakes I now decide to scout the adjacent hinterland of the crater. The right hand side is impenetrable, but the left shows some hope. Except for some tree stumps and a few muddy sections where the water has seeped across from the other side of the dirt road it looks possible. It’s either go on the binge native style for a few days or have a go.

The idea of daddy on the rip with the lads wins hands down. If I get stuck the cat is on the way. I walk my route once more taking note of all the sly traps. The course to be followed is a maze of turns with the high likelihood that I might find my African roots sooner than reading Alex Haley ‘Roots’.

The sound of Williwaw engine coming to life alerts a group of vultures huddled near by.   Moving forward with the help of the girls who are directing me on foot I squeeze past the waiting trucks.   For some reason a thought comes into my head “It is the land that owns the African by lying downs his fate.” A small crowd gathers to watch if I will make it.   After our experiences in Guinea Conakry the drive turned out to be a piece of cake. Apart from the clinging mud I have little trouble emerging back on to the dirt road safe and sound.

We are on our way again with mud flying in every direction.   Apart from a bright blue bird, (which we eventually identify some months later with the aid of Ian Sinclair, and Phil Hockey Illustrated Guide Birds of South Africa as an Abyssinian Roller) our surrounding colours are drab shade of browns and ashen greys. Village after village dots the barren land.   Their houses stand like clumps of large fat toadstools.   Nothing moves. Williwaw arrival and departure in each village is marked by a dust cloud on the way in and barking of dogs on the way out.

It’s not long before our dust cloud is mixing it with the traffic exhaust of Ouagadougou.   Referred to, as Wogoddogo by Mossi the largest ethic Burkina Faso group Ouagadougou is a big sprawling maze of villages with no apparent centre. We have arrived at midday. The place is heaving with mopeds all with minds of their own.

Our Bible says that L’Eau Vive is its most famous restaurant where the sister – waitresses down tools at midday to flex their cinctures with a rendering of the Ave Maria. Why not a spot of lunch before heading on to Ghana sound like a good idea. Due to the capitals square grit lay out we find the restaurant with little difficulty.

A quick look around the Nouveau Grand market put us of eating meat for life.   The market is housed on three floors in grey concrete building which I am sure started out in the mind of its architects as a parking lot. Heaving with commerce, noise, the entire place is enwrapped in the pungent smells of stale urine, body odours and flies. With escape routes to beat the ban it is a pickpocket’s paradises.

Some hours later it is us who are singing Ave Maria as we escape from the city straight into the first of many police/army barricades.   Following the southerly direction of the Red, White and Black Volats rivers we make it on an atrocious pothole tar road as far as Kombissiri forty odd kilometres from Ouagadougou. Pitch No 52

Refreshed after a peaceful night sleep with gum shields in once more we venture forth for a days driving.

“For Christ safe Fanny, avoid the Potholes.” “Jesus Bob slow down.” from the back “Stop arguing “, Florence. The road, the heat, the jolting and the boring flat landscape, has all of us on short fuses long before we arrive at the first point of departure from BURKINA FASO.  Afficher l'image d'origine

Just before noon we clear customs and the usual police formalities at Po. Twenty kilometres further of zigzagging we arrive at Paga where I shit myself.  It’s a major cock-up. We have no visa to enter Ghana. A blue-black scared-faced Ghana informs us that we have no option but to return to Ouagadougou. All contact names, string and bribes fail miserably. Luckily George over hears our efforts. He is the visa issuing man in Ouagadougou returning from his holidays.   Assured of his personal attention in the morning in Ouagadougou we set off back up the road. The journey needs no description. There is an African proverb that says, “Who travels alone tells lies.”   So when I say it was fucking awful believe me it was just that.

Murphy’s Law is now at play. The Po customs that had cleared us through to Ghana now refused to recognise Williwaw’s Carnet. I am forced to purchase a temporary importation licence. Offered at 50,000 CFA eventually bought for 10,000 CFA. Next Fanny fails to stop at a wooden sun blistered police barrier sign that is hidden behind some scrub with an attached rusty chain to the barrier buried in the dust that is only visible to those in the know.

One of those I hate whites bitter-faced menacing cop is now threatening a 10,000C FA fine for our non-arête. Some heated arguments revolving around the impossibilities of bring a three-ton vehicle to a sudden halt and promise of a few packets of fags on our return see us once more on our way.

One hundred thousand bone shattering pots later we arrive back in the fading light in Ouagadougou. After the usual dashes to the outskirt cops we decide to eat first, and sleep after > Another mistake. Around and around we go in search of a long close Vietnamese Restaurant.   Eventually giving up we check into a hotel. Knackered we eat and spend the best part of the night hunting the room lizard with a spray can.

After a morning of endless form filling George is true to his word. Armed with visas we set off once more down the obstacle course to Ghana. All goes well. Not even a scrub fires on either side of the road that endeavour to unite with each puff of wind slow us down.   In the firm knowledge that this time we are finally going to escape we cardiac from one pothole to another.

Arriving outside Po a Guinness sign atomises all thoughts of the wooden sun blistered police stop signs. With no sign of the die-hard bigot cop the Guinness sign is our beacon to cure our acute dose of the jitters.

Two bottles of the black stuff later we are back in the Customs. It is taking a long time to clear Williwaw when in the door hot off a motorbike arrives our in the heat of the day cop. Bristling with contempt his torrential tongue pour forth anger not for the promised packet of fags but for our failure to stop once more. .

Never far from the surface in Africa lies the unexpected. I begin to smell a rat, as there was no way he could have seen us passing over his rusty chain. We have no option but to return up the road and face the music. At the point of gun the arrogant faced bastard refusing to accept dollars for a fine of 12,000 CFA.

While I remain sitting in his shabby hut Fanny with Florence return to Guinness Bar to get the dollars changed.   Waiting for the girls return it dawns on me that there is a scam-taking place between the Customs and Mr Screw it cop.

The Ghana border is due to close in a few hours. My temporary importation licences for Williwaw will expire at six-o clock making the Jeep eligible for confiscation or subject to a demand for some extortion’s exportation fee.

Fanny god rests her soul returns with the CFA. With agonising calmness I watch as he counts the money note by note, then enters the amount in a school jotter and issues me with an unreadable receipt.   With no love lost we leave arriving once more at the customs.

Here we are met with more unnecessary demands, and a refusal to stamp out Williwaw Carnet.   With the clock ticking away our chances of getting across the border into Ghana are getting slimmer and slimmer. I tell Fanny to go out and start-up Williwaw.   There is nothing for it but to make a run for it.

The clock striking six, the customs post comes to attention as the national flag is lowered. It’s now or never.   I walk out the door jump aboard Williwaw slip her into gear and go for it.   In a blink of and eye we are hurtling down the dirt road in the direction of the border. In the bouncing wing mirror I get glimpses of a pursing motorbike. Endeavouring to stay out of our dust cloud it appears on my right then on my left.   The girls sit in silent terror as we crash from one pothole to the next.   Dusk is not far off.   A torso steps out in front of us. There is no stopping a three-ton Jeep charging like a rhino. With lights flashing and our horn endeavouring to sound loud and mean he jumps for cover.

We whistle through the border gates with a few minutes to spare. Enveloped in her following cloud of red dust Williwaw comes to a screeching halt. In perfect English a bone-crushing handshake a large scared dark smiling face conveys a significant and unmistakable message of welcome to Ghana.Afficher l'image d'origine

Covered in goose pimples and a large dosage of heebie – jeebies our James Bond style exit from Burkina Faso is over.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

 

 

 

 

THE BEADY EYE’S UNPUBLISHED BOOK. CHAPTER EIGHT. SECTION TWO.

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( CONTINUATION)

Afficher l'image d'origine

In the early stillness of the morning, we board Williwaw.   Skirting the town we once more cross by ferry to join the main drag the Mopti road. It’s not long before the hot dusty dirt road leaves the river Bani to evaporate its way north to join the Niger in its long search for its gateway to the sea. Making good time our shale landscape has little to offer to occupy the mind.   Fanny has draped her open window against the blazing sun with muslin material. Florence perched on her high rear seat is battling with her Game Boy.

(Top TIP: A piece of muslin large enough to cover those lily-white knees and arms can be especially useful when seated in your vehicle for any duration.)

It comes as a great relief to us all to swing right before Mopti. We had heard on the grapevine in Djénné that Mopti had turned itself into a pain in the butt. Full of smart Smert spies; rip off tourist kids, bureaucrat police and flies. So assured by our new Merc overlanders we take a new Chinese constructed road to Bandiagara. The preferred way but not quite yet recognised by our Michelin 953 map, which designates the route as a dangerous passage.

Avoiding the odd charging bulldozer and completely disregarding any road closed and men at work signs we arrive covered in dust at hotel Les Arbies well ahead of the Mercedes.

After a good meal is another rooftop pegging Pitch number 50. Bankas is nothing to write home about. A collection of mud-walled housing facing each other forms the main thoroughfare. Dust devils dance on their whirling dervish way in or out of the flat shapeless surrounding landscape.

Along with our Hotel, there is a baby Djénné style mosque, a Smert office all of which owe their existence to the Bandiagara escarpment or Falaise of Dogon country that lies twelve kilometres out the back door of our Hotel.   Bankas is the alternative route into Dogon country – Mali’s top tourist attraction. Now a protected World Heritage site with the Placenta of the world called Amma and now Fanny’s birthday present.

Lying 14º00′-14º45’N, 3º00′-3º50’W from Douentza in the north to Ouo in the south the area that houses the Dogons culture is world-famous.   Its greatest threat today to its rich traditions, rituals, art and folklore is hard-core tourism thanks to its World Heritage status. Within its Placenta, not a pubic hair has been left unruffled.Afficher l'image d'origineAfficher l'image d'origine

Early morning our Guides Sambaquine Dallo and Moussa Drabo arrive. A command of English and French selects Dallo.

(Top TIP: Selecting a Guide without any prior knowledge of his or her abilities is not to be recommended.   You should always have a friendly chat before taking him or her on to establish whether they truly have the gift of the gab. Also never pay all their fee up front.) 

Dallo fee settled we all pile into the Merc for an extremely bumpy and get out and pushing ride to the base of the Bandiagara escarpment.

The escarpment extends over a 150 km in a southwest to northeast direction, says Dallo. “We will overnight at Teli a village on the southern end of the escarpment it is one of the less visited villages.” Again with our vast knowledge of Mail Teli could be on the moon for all we knew. What we did know is that it is getting hotter and hotter by the minute.

Parking the Merc at the side of a mud building with a lean-to acting as a bar/ restaurant we are invited to partake in a spot of lunch before we set off up to the cliff face. Fanny’s face is a Mask of Dogon anticipation. ‘Up that’ it says. ‘Not on your Nellie my necklace is just fine’. Too late. Dallo is well into informing us that human occupancy of the cliffs was a long time before the Dogons arrived.   “For some strange reason beyond our comprehension the village communities are divided into the inneomo and innepuru, ( living men and dead men) respectively they exist in symbiotic union with each other.” I can only hope that by the time we get back I will not be living in the doghouse for having suggested the hike as a birthday present.

Our lunch hosts lose no time in trying to sell us Dogon doors, intricate door locks, elaborate carvings, painted masks, wooden bowls, and pots. All available irrelevant of UNESCO, Law No. 86-61/AN-RM of 26 July 1986 and Decree No.299/PG-RM of September 1986 which is supposed to specifically control excavations, commerce and the export of cultural objects.

Back in the car, Dallo rattles on “Po is hello, Konjo is beer.”   “Every inhabitant of each village has the same surname.” “Their houses represent human figures and each village keeps a semi-domestic crocodile.”

“You have missed the Sigui gig, which represents the renewal of the Universe.” “ It takes place every sixty years when Sirius companion star is known to the Dogons as Po Tolo. “ (Po this time meaning the smallest seed known to the Dogons and Talo = star) comes into view.” “ Only the Dogons can see it without a telescope.”   Not bad considering it is a mere 8.6 light years from the earth.

Apparently, according to their oral traditions, the Nommos visited them thousands of years ago > An ugly lot resembling mermen and mermaids who landed on their doorstep in an Ark. “ It was these scale boy’s, extraterrestrial visitors from the Sirius system that told them about Jupiter’s four major moons and Saturn’s rings and that we all spun around the sun. They knew that the earth’s moon is dry and infertile long before Armstrong left his footprint. They also knew that the Milky Way is a spiral galaxy of stars and they the Nommos equipped them with, especially advanced eyesight to see the lot. Circumcision and clitoridectomy is a must. There are temples everywhere. Every door and lock is an orgy of meaning. They used to file their teeth.”

Never having seen a photo, full of ignorance, the first views of the Cliffside houses with their clay granaries is gobsmacking.   It is an entirely individual tangible exhilarating experience > a magical hierarchy of mythical fathomless mysteries. Florence, on the other hand, accepts the Dogon Einstein’s Theory of Relativity as a matter of fact taking it all in her stride.Afficher l'image d'origine

Still surrounded by fields of maze the views are surreal. The granaries look like large telephone boxes wearing enormous pointed straw hats all standing on stilts beneath the overhanging escarpment. As we get closer we begin to see the village houses woven in amongst the rock ledges. Dallo asks us to wait for him while he goes ahead and announce our arrival and gets permission for us to visit.

Await his signal to follow all eyes are looking upwards.   Whirling eagles pass overhead their high nest sites clearly marked against the rustic rock.

We eventually open the door of our earth craft.   Unsettling the settled dust any moment now the earthlings with their Hubbell telescope sight will spot us advancing up the cliff to emerge from their skull protected caves. With each and every footstep echoing against the overhanging outcrop of rock, Florence blazes the trail. Arriving at our first village of the living and dead there is not a humanoid to be seen.

Stumbling along behind Dallo we reach our first Dogon ladder. A large log with steps cut into it that requires a proficiency in high wire balancing or suffer the painful consequences. Scrambling up I associate it more with ascending into the heavens rather than entering a village. Up we go in single file through the Stargate into a world created by Dogon’s for Dogons where all life, nature, mind and matter are comprehended in a single scheme of interconnecting myths.

Myths that not only explain the origin of the universe but the characteristic archetype to which all in it including our societies and us should knuckle under.

The main one according to Dallo is an Egg called Amma the seed of the earth who quivered seven times before the first Nommos arrived to create the sky, day and night, the seasons, and the universe.   To be more precise the world egg was shaken by seven big stirrings of the universe. It broke into two birth sacs, each holding twins, who were looked after by Amma, God on the maternal egg. In each placenta were a male and a female twin, each male and female contained both the male and female basic nature.

“Jesus the heat is getting to me Dallo I don’t think I can take much more of this”

There was no stopping him he is in full tour guide flow. “A male twin named Yorugu got out of one of the placenta before he was supposed too. A piece of the sac from which he busted out of formed the earth. However, when Yorugu tried to get back into the egg to rescue his twin she had done a bunk and had been placed in the other placenta with the other set of twins. So he took a trip to the new earth and copulated with it—his own motherly placenta, but did not succeed in creating people. Seeing what was going on Amma sent the other lot of twins down to have a go and that where we all came from the first joining of brothers, sisters, and cousin twins.

” Long live Darby O’ Gill and the little people is all I can say.

Standing outside one of the Granaries, which is to the Dogons what earth is to the cosmos and the stomach is to the individual. They are not just granaries Says Dallo but a form of defence. “Each Granary is divided into sections. The first floor is against famine. The next is the man of the house and his first wife and her jewellery. The next floor is the second wife.” Slopping against the Granary is a log ladder (a tree trunk in the shape of a Y with steps cut into it. The Y section is the top of the stairs) that leads up to a top window above a smaller window some twelve meters off the ground. With two hands gripping the log I venture up to have a look.   Curiosity kills the cat. The interior is sectioned walled into four orange shape segments but before I can explore further we are on the move again upwards.Afficher l'image d'origine

Next stop is the hunter, the high priest dwellings and courthouse all three set into the cliff face. We never make it to the top as Florence has discovered the witch doctors cave.

Inside the cave, there are four small baked round clay mounts in a circle. Each mount is about the size of those Austrian dumplings that stay in your stomach till the next black ski run. Apparently, these mounts are used to administer justice. The accused have to enter the cave one after the other and rest their hand on the mounts, which are covered in blood. The hand that refuses to touch the mounts is the guilty one.   Florence is fascinated. I am mystified as to how it actually works. Perhaps a Dogon riddle that goes something like this:   Riddle-me ree. Locked up inside you and yet they can seal it from me. Fanny has had enough; Dallo at long last stops for a breath of air.

Above the sorcerer pad again reached by Dogon style ladders are smaller caves and ledges. The caves were utilised by a Pygmy tribe called Tellem who shared the escarpment with the Dogons for a few hundred years – as to why no one knows not even God or Mohammed can figure out says Dallo who is showing signs of wanting to leave. Other ladders go up further to Dogon cemeteries that are taboo to all.

With Dallo’s ankles twisting and turning inside his designer sneakers we start our descent. His ankles remind me of many a chicken wishbone I pulled in deadly battle against my brother for a wish that never came true.

On the way down I lag behind in the hope of spotting a live Dogon, or a living dead one that might not be to camera-shy. Dallo has already warned us those caught taking photos could set the cosmos wobbling but with no one around I cannot resist taking a few shots.

Once more we arrive at the foot of the escarpment.   The odd Acacia dots the otherwise Sahelian dominating species on the plain of Séno.

Stage two is just a short walk along the escarpment face to a crack where we can climb up to the top of the plateau.   After one kilometre we are well spread out Fanny to the rear, Florence up front without the twists and turns matching Dallo’s African paces step for step.

By late afternoon in the simmering heat large chunks of fallen cliff face are watching us trudge our way up. Nothing stirs. On our right, the rock cliff face looks brittle and barren. Here and there large enormous blocks of rock have detached themselves to slide hundreds of meters out from the foot of cliff face.   On our left a small dry riverbed and fields of parched millet.

After nine kilometres we are all beginning to believe in the three Dogon revelations. Nature speaks through the sounds of the grasses. Order is symbolized by weaving. Not quite the same type of weaving that all of us are doing.   Communications is the work of the drum.   The last one we have no problems with the scorching heat as all of our heads are drumming.

Dallo points to crack in the cliff face. “This is the way up.”   What is visible to us is a rocky passage blocked by large sections of broken rock covered in dense vegetation. The shade looks inviting but the climb looks intimidating.   Fanny’s face reads beam me up.

Following a spring line of water, we pass through a botanical garden of vegetation and flowers that none of us can name.   Surrounded by trouble hawks and the ever-present sound of rock dove and plovers the climb turns out to be relatively easy. Gradually we leave the humid microclimate of the crack to emerge on the top of plateau. Our sandstone plateau is a labyrinth of holes, mixed with areas of hard impervious rock, somewhat resembling the Burren in County Clare in the west of Ireland but without the blue of the sea in the distance.

An energy field of rising heat blocks any possibility of long vision so our view (from the top) is disappointing. With an announcement of a further five kilometres to the nearest village Fanny’s weaning energy evaporates while Florence on the other hand god bless her little pins is off strutting out front once more.   One hour later with large helpings of TLC, I nurse a sore, weary, and parched Fanny into the village.

After a few beers, we are shown our sleeping quarters.   The choice is dismal a bamboo slattern bed or the flat mud roof.   Just as the evening light begins to paint the hues of a warm night sky I brave one of the Dogon ladders to a roof nights sleep. With no mossie net, it’s a night of pure torture.   Sleep is almost impossible. What I get is snatched between the high-pitched piercing sound of an incoming mosquito attack and the eerie silence while he or she sucks their fill. – I awake drained.

The new day is rung in at six am. A group of Dogon ladies standing in a circle start the day’s heartbeat with the arithmetic sound of dull thudding of maize. Without a drop of perspiration there pounding poles gliding up and down in time to their ever-swinging breasts. From my rooftop, the gathering light casts shadows in long curved thin lines across the rocky surface. Bending at the foot of my ladder the shadows like the living dead returning to their life bodies as the sun rises. The colour scheme of the new day flamed out in a time-compressed experience.

Djiguibombo our host village awakes with many of us suffering from millet beer hangovers from the night’s consumption of Konjo – the local brew. By the time Dallo appears breakfast is on its third untouched push around our enamelled plates.

Reluctantly we set off on a walkabout of the village.   Avoiding Holy ground on which no feet must tread we visit all the important structures. The Toguna an open-air stone structure roofed with millet stakes, (the pub) where the village elders (men only) meet for their daily chinwag over a fresh pint of Konjo. Across the street a round stone hut that bears no name where ovulating young ladies sweat it out.

Next is the Gina a type of sanctuary where the honoured ancestors hang out. Luckily for us, Dallo’s enthusiasm for long explanations is muted by the early start.   We are spared his unquestionable narration as to why’s and why not’s of every doorknob, stone, shapes and colour.   Then it is off to the main square where the stilt dance takes place in celebration of the sighting of Po Tolo the Dog Star of Sirius (booking in advance).  As to why the dance takes place on six meters high stilts is a mystery that Florence explained. “You need to be up high to see the stars.”   As none of us other than Florence has a hope of climbing up again in the year 2020 we will never know if her observation is true.

What we do know is that the thought of walking to the next village Enndé and on to Doundourou for more of the same is a large no-no.

With Florence setting the pace determined as ever to finish in front we arrive at the top of the three hundred meters high escarpment to descend to the floor before the sun requires us to take a block 35 stop.

(Top TIP: Sunblock is expensive and not always available in the bush. Bring lots and Calamine lotion.)

By late afternoon we have struggled back into Kani-Komble where the awaiting green Merc connects us once more to the real world.   After savaging a few cool beers, and once more resting the purchase of a large carved door that one would die for we jar and jolt our way back to our Hotel.

Karen and Chris their time-limited decide to head for the Burkina Faso border. We with our three arses pointing at Sirius B the Po tolo star of the Dogon crash out on the rooftop and pass out for the night. Pitch No 51.

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THE BEADY EYE’S UNPUBLISHED BOOK. CHAPTER EIGHT.

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MALI.Afficher l'image d'origineAfficher l'image d'origine

What we know
Timbuktu. Sahel Region. Dogon

By way of one last bomb crater of a pothole, we bump our way into Mali.

There is no obvious difference to our surroundings. The tall grass and the silent running Niger on our right are still with us. At the first village, we refuel and top up our water. Lighting a large fire to keep the Mali brigade of flies at bay we camp early. (Pitch number forty-eight) Dinner is excellent a la Fanny. The rummy game named ‘Mossy Slap’ to the Cricket Chorus is won hands down by Florence, snoring is participated in by all.

Morning greets us with the usual backdrop of African sounds. A crowing cock calling its flock to early revel pinpoints the nearest village in the long grass. The ever-present cicadas crescendo is pierced by the call of a bird every four or five minutes tells us it is time to arise.

In a few weeks, we will be turning south long before the Niger does the same. It’s time to start our Malaria pills.

(Top TIP: As you know there is loads of advice to be had on Malaria. We found that the best advice is to cover up at feeding times and to soak your mosquito nets in neat DEET.   A Mosquito coil, or Avon beauty cream, which has an element of deet, has limited value. Don’t get bitten – cover up. Take out Masta medical membership they fly in blood to you if needed. (See – cd for further information)

Our tablets are Chloroquine and Paludrin.   Larium was not an option for us due to the length of the journey. Malaria is carried by sixty different species of mosquitoes. It is not restricted to humans, birds, lizards, rodents, monkeys, and other primates suffer from its effects. There are about one hundred million cases a year with one percent being fatal.

It comes in four flavours, Tertian, malaria-mild, Jungle, fever-malignant, Quartan, hidden for weeks. One of Africa greatest killer alongside Aids, the bullet, starvation, and the like it remains one of the greatest hang our heads in shame achievements when it comes to the Developed world aid packages.

What would one week of bombing the whole joint with Mossy nets cost? A fraction compared to too days cost of flying out designed dinner to American troops in Afghanistan.

Eradicated from Europe it is on the way back with twelve thousand cases reported in 1997.

Bamako the capital is on the bow clinging to the lifeline of the country the River Niger. Situated at 12° 38N, 7° 57W in the south-east of Mali’s one point two million square kilometres. (Ireland 70,000km, England 224,000km) A one-legged wheelchair hustler guide in the city centre points us to a parking spot.  Afficher l'image d'origine

Our knowledge of Mali is as minuscule as its vastness, but we were not expecting a city of new buildings, nightclubs, modern hotels, streetlights, pavements, traffic lights, and parking meters.   Not to mention supermarkets supplied daily by Air France.

Slipping into the first bar we come upon to slake my thirst I can only wonder what Mongo Park and Rene Caillié saw when they visited it in the eighteen century.

Inside the bar, the late afternoon heat is enhanced with cheap perfume from the cliché of old bar trollops mixed with the stale smell of urine. The blended scents waft their way upwards to a slow circling ceiling fan. We have hit the wrong bar for a cool beer. A rapid downing and hasty escape with a large sigh of release has us in the Patisserie Phoenicia for a spot of lunch.

Here we had escaped the den of iniquity only to be hassled by every passing street vendor that spotted us through the window. In the bar we were at least recognised as a family and left in peace now we were being offered the best grass to view Timbuktu with cream to relieve camel piles after you get there.   We settle for directions to the best hotel, which rewards Florence’s strained patience with a large swimming pool.

By early morning we have left the unseen pleasures of Bamako in our wake. It was named after Bama-Kong a hunter of heroic dimensions says, Fanny.   “He was given permission to name the town by the Bambara Empire after he killed an elephant.”   All enlightened we arrive within four hours at Ségo Mali’s second largest town also ruled by the Niger River. In a Lebanese hotel, it is my turn to spend the night locked to the loo seat.

Next day with me rather drained Fanny’s lecture continues. Ségo situated at the head of the Niger’s inland delta is a port after which the river spreads a cobweb of channels, marshes, and lakes, as far as Timbuktu.

The Shale Empire of the Sahara stretches without boundaries some four thousand five hundred kilometres from Senegal through Mauritania, Mali, Burkina Faso Niger and Chad, and onwards to Sudan > A mere two point five million square miles of homicidal sub-Sahara lands.   Between the early 1960s and 1980s, this region suffered the worst drought of the 20th century.

Worldwide is it estimated that fifteen to sixty-seven million acres of land are lost each year to desertification. Colorado alone in the USA lost over one million acres of topsoil in 1990. The Shale is at the heart of most African major environmental emergency.

Before leaving Ségo for Djénné we luckily run into some English tourists how are kind enough to take a package of African dolls back to Florence’s Williwaw club in the UK.

(Top TIP: If you are travelling with a toddler it is an idea to make a tangible tie to home base. We formed an African club in Florence’s school called the Williwaw Club. Before leaving I gave a talk on our trip and each child was allocated an animal contact name. The idea was for the club members to write care of American Express at designated cities where Florence would pick up their mail. They could track, our progress, ask questions etc. Florence in return would send item of interest, and letters answering their queries. For a young explorer such as Florence, it is a wonderful method of encouraging her to keep a diary. Its rewards are invaluable.)

They say that the exploration of the world is over. There is not a centimetre left of it to be discovered. I say that man has to discover himself first before he can see what he sees, only then he will be capable of new discoveries. It is for the young to see the world before he or she is cloned into thinking that all natural beauty, animals, birds, insects, trees, and the like are only products to be exploited to satisfy the sofa Television public.

The Savannah surroundings of our last few days now slowly give way to treeless arid scrub. We decide to leave the Niger, which during this time of the year makes the choice of a route to Timbuktu, or Timbucktoo, or Tombouctou, or Timbuctou.

Faces with impassable marsh, soft sand, dykes, sand filled ruts, dunes, and dead ends all of which we can do without Tim buck whatever will have to wait.

Not so bad as it’s once legendary reputation these days has been reduced to a stamp on the passport. Tin- Buktu in Arabic may stand for “the well of Buktu” and in the Songhoi tongue the word means a Hollow)

The footsteps of Gordon Laing, René Callié, Heinrich Barth and Oskar Lenz, together with billion camel’s footprints have long disappeared.

“If I were a castaway on the plains of Timbuctoo, I would eat a missionary – cassock, band, and hymn-book too” (Samuel Wilberforce 1805 – 1873)

I suffering from a dose of Montezuma’s revenges am in no mood to eat anything as we leave Ségo and the Niger River to join the Bani one of its major tributaries to Djénné. From here to Timbuktu or for that matter from Montezuma to Timbuktu will have to wait for the final decision till we get to Mopti.

Five hours of driving brings us the first view of Djénné.   Founded in the 13th century, as a trading centre it remained unchanged to this day.   First inhibited in 250BC it was designated a World Heritage Site in 1988.   Somewhat a remarkable achievement to its unbeaten spirit of endurance, its irrefutable life force against its hostile surroundings it remains closely associated with Timbuktu. Our Lonely planet 6th edition hardly rates it worthy of a mention. It matters little, as our deep knowledge of Mali does not let us down.Afficher l'image d'origine

A small ferry takes us across its surrounding waterway.  Djénné is so far removed from what we have so far seen of Mali Bamako architecture that we expect to see Sinbad arriving from the surrounding desert on his flying carpet. Another word our first views have us by the short and hairies, spell-bound.

Driving over the town dykes right in front of us nestling behind its large mud walls is a large Mosque. Baked to perfection, fresh out of the kiln with no sharp edges or angles to be seen anywhere. Exalted in rank it towers above a cowpat of grey clay smooth surrounding buildings. The Mosque the largest mud structure in the world imparts a sense of no permanence. Its smooth façade is lorded over by three towers of over eleven meters high with an ostrich capping each tower. Wooden beams poke out of its mud walls giving a feeling that it could be washed away in any downpour right in front of your eyes.

As to how the whole place has survived a mere century or two, never mind making it on to the top five hundred and eighty-two World Heritage Sites list leaves us flabbergasted.

Entering the town gate (there is only one by terra firma) we make our way to the Campement. This is the only place in town to stay. Using months of ‘Get lost’ tactics on a swarm of guides we install ourselves on the roof. Pitch number 49. Camp beds, pillows, sleeping bags, mossie nets, torches, makeup, bags, books, are all unloaded and huffed up to the roof by the chief puka sahib – me.

Florence and I can’t wait to go off and explore so we leave Fanny sorting out the sleeping arrangements, and set off down one of the dusty narrow passageways on foot. We have not gone far before we come across an Arab of Tuareg presentation (indigenous people of the Sahara. Controlled the Trans Sahara caravan routes – founders of Tomboctou in the 14th) sitting outside a Moroccan style doorway.   Resting against the mud wall alongside him is an old flintlock Lawrence of Arabia long barrel ivory stock rifle.

I invite him to fire his gun for a Photo for Florence.   Before we could say Jack Rabbit, he is on the feet pouring gun power from a small pouch and ramming a ball down the barrel. There is a tremendous bang and flash that makes both Florence and I jump out of our skins.   Where the ball went is anyone’s speculation. What is absolutely certain is that he is as pleased as punch.   Displaying a set glittering golden teeth he pats Florence blond hair with distant memories of day’s gone bye.

Returning to our rooftop we are once more descended upon by Mali tourist guides. SMERT Mali official tourist organisation has given these tenacious individuals a license to spoil its countries main attractions.   Aggressive in their insistence to accompany you for a fee we see them as pests that we could do without. (Officially one of them is supposed to guide you around the town whether you like it or not) We resolve to give them the slip in the morning.

(Top Tip:   SMERT guides destroy the exquisite aura of Djénné architecture and will blemish you soaking up of the true nature of this once Trans – Saharan trading town. If you can avoid them do so)

Under a net of stars, a wonderful and welcome nights sleep is had by all. We awake to find the roof full to capacity. Several land cruisers and a green Mercedes have arrived during the night for the market. Djénné Market although small has to be one of the liveliest in Africa so described by René Caillié in the 19th century in his Travels through Central Africa to Timbuktu.

It took him three years to reach Timbouctou his journey halted by five months of illness. Disguised as a beggar he stayed two weeks to collect the ten thousand French francs prize money offered by the Geographical Society of Paris to the first European to visit Timbuktu and come out alive.   Some Scot named Alexander Laing had beaten him by a year. (He did not live to tell the tale because he was bumped off shortly after leaving the place.)

The market spread out on the ground is in front of the Grand Mosque against the backdrop of the surrounding mud-baked houses all surrounded by water set in a vast desert has the appearance of a Max film set.

Large Mali hats float through the air like small flying saucers. Gold earrings big enough to moor a small boat dangle from vale covered heads all adorned with the colours of the rainbow. The small alleyways that lead from the Mosque are crammed with incoming and outgoing produces borne head high.

The market is a long way from the large supermarket of this world where time itself and nature are resources to be continually exploited in a ghost-like culture > where cultural distinctiveness is placed second to the demands of globalisation in order to meet the demands of a wholly commercial society. – Buy one get one free.

Here everyone knows his customer and every customer knows his vendor. The checkout benefits not just the shareholders but imparts an all-embracing cultural experience, full of bonding, information, energy, and above all offers a dignity of difference that celebrates deeper things than get and spend.   Here one gets a sense that your life is part of a greater narrative. There is a meaning to one’s existence, which empty, pleasure-maximising utilitarianism lacks.

Leaving the girls to barter I decide to take a wander.   Armed with my hard-core tourism badge – my camera I set off down one of the many narrow streets behind the Grand Mosque. Restraining my trigger photo finger is an effort. Every door, every corner, every passing load warrants a shot.

Emerging from the city wall on to the dyke I arrive at a ferry crossing. Large Pinasses and smaller canoe-like pirogues are busy ferrying the waiting people, bundles, animals, and bikes across to the town.   Every boatload carries all of Mali’s cultures. Watching I reel off two films before I know it.

On the far side of the dyke, the land stretches away as far as the eye can see into the vast treeless shimmering sands. Clouds of approaching far off dust marked incoming traffic some of it at a gallop. I venture down to the water edge and hop abroad one of the returning empty boats. Closing the opposite bank I am poled through clutches of awaiting woman, long-horned cattle, horses and camels.   Long before we reach land massive bundles of firewood are thrown aboard securing their owner’s place for the return trip.

Stepping ashore completely ignored I walk towards one of the incoming dust clouds. Sir Dave Lane was going to be proud of this shot. A deux vaches long horn drawn cart is approaching at speed. Kneeling right in its path I prepare to capture its whip whirling driver, its vapour trail of rising dust.

I had forgotten all about those western movies one sees as a young lad you know those John Wayne cattle drive flick when all those long-horned steers stampede and bellow their way to the waterhole. My two approaching critters had long got the smell of water and no kneeling tourist was going to stop them. I jump aside baptised in dust completely forgetting to press the camera gotcha button.

(Top TIP: Bring a small working digital camera. 7.1 pixels and learn how to use it before leaving.)

Returning on a small pirogue I find the girls waiting.   We are about to continue our tour when there is a crescendo of shrieks. One of the arriving large canoes has deposited its passengers prematurely into the water. The yelling is not throwing me a boy I am drowning its get your effing hands off my bundle in a variety of different tongues. Each woman having spent days scavenging the vast expanses of treeless territories for every twig. Firewood is more precious than gold or the risk of drowning.

The ensuing struggles look refreshing and we can see why Sunni Ali ruler of Songhai who drove the Tuereg from Timbouctou and destroyed the Mossi and Dogon tribes spent seven years in siege of Djénné walls.

With all the action over – midday has us by the throat. I get a bollixing for being capless and having no sun lotion on. (Top TIP: Wear a hat in the noonday sun.) Half not wanting to leave I lag behind Fanny and Florence as they make their way back into the mud walls. In a flicker of the eye, they both disappear up one of the maze of narrow streets.

Emerging on the Market Square now a volcano of colour I find Florence attempting to buy a wonderful necklace of polished stone. “Its Mum’s birthday tomorrow” I am saved by the bell. No amount of haggling could secure the necklace so we settle for some smaller items.   The main present will have to be from Dogon Mythology our next port of call. This means sweet damn all to Florence so while she and her mother are knocking back a bottle of Tombouctou recommandée pour toute la famille (Insert: Bottle label) I slip back into the fray and purchase the necklace.

Over dinner, we receive an invitation to join Karen and Chris (the green Mercedes OverLanders) to meet up with them in Bankas, one hundred and fourteen kilometres to the east. They are in possession of a letter of introduction to a Dogon Guide who has worked with the Dogon people for some years. We need no convincing the chance to avoid the SMERT Mali official tourist organisation guides is an absolute yes if we are to enjoy the Dogans.

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( To be continued)

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IF YOU ARE INCLINED TO BRAKE THAT ZERO:  R Dillon. Account no 62259189.

Ulster Bank 33 College Green Dublin 2. Sorting Code; 98-50-10. Many thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE BEADY EYE’S UNPUBLISHED BOOK. CHAPTER SEVEN. SECTION FOUR.

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Afficher l'image d'origineThis time by the back door I give the posse the slip. There is a tangible difference in the stillness of the air, which was not present on my morning walk. I pass through fields of peanuts until once more I am on a track, with high grass on either side. I come upon the first fork. “Keep to the right” …Almo had said, so right I go. Another fork, right again, yet another, right again.

If I am on the right track I should arrive at a three-fingered fork where I am to take the middle finger. I hit it right on the button, onward march. The next junction I am not too sure but right looks good. Subconsciously I take note of a large tree as a reference for the way back.   Confronted by and an array of tracks I stick to the M1 until it runs out of well-trodden earth. I halt at the edge of a rocky surface. Straight across looks the natural line. Yes, Yes, You Boy, Captain Cook is nothing on you.

On the right track once more there is a humanoid coming in the opposite direction.   I am tempted to inquire if this is the way to Paris. His passing look gives me the feeling that you don’t see many white Cadillac’s passing this way. Oblivious to oncoming traffic he keeps looking in his wing mirrors until I disappear into the trees.

A wall tells me that all is well. Sure enough on the other side of it, there is the rock outcrop. It lies on the opposite side of a steeply studded narrow wild overgrown gorge. Scrambling down > the ever-vigilant lookouts spot my approach. While the troop scatters up the rocky outcrop and out of sight the dominant males in a sudden uproar at my intrusion bear their teeth.olive baboon teeth mouth

I have a lot to learn about obligatory silence and direction of approach if I am not to be mooned by all African Wildlife. I hang around for a while in the hope of things settling down but to no avail. The troop remains well hidden and I soon lose interest in the odd view courtesy of my field binoculars.

As I walk back the first drops of rain are exploding in puffs of dust, and the grass is stirring. There is a pungent release of vegetation smells and a strong sense of movement all around. Thank Almo I make it back. In his wisdom, he has sent a young lad to find me.

Just after dark the village elders wearing tall coarse woollen fez type hats and their wives begin to arrive.  In the flickering candlelight, problem after problem is presented and discussed. Almo displays great untiring patience. He explains to me that the grievances are the same every year.

“You can see here”, he says, “That education is an emptiness – it helps me to escape into the wider world, but I cannot impart it here so that it passes from one age group to the next.   Bonding to a school is all jolly fine, but in these people’s case, the only bonding is by making them form a group as you see before you to run their village. To buy their seeds, to sell their crops, to oversee their health, to join with other farming groups, to record and keep records and only then they have something that has a strong chance of surviving.”

“Training children to recite the whole of the Koran is all jolly fine, but to teach them to be more confident in themselves, to take their own decisions, to manage on their own must all be done in their own language. To make them discover themselves is the only way forward.”

“One must know how one is before learning who others are and there is a constant tug of war between tradition and the existing world.”

Our world glistens in the dark eyes of those present during a pause for a cup of Kinkilibar.

The morning news is that Almo has been given more land to build a hospital. The young man with the elephantine upper lip is on the back of a truck and hopefully should arrive tomorrow, that the corrupted pill dispenser has been replaced and that we decide to stay another day and depart in the morning.

The next day has only one more surprise it comes in the form of vet whom I collide into head-on rounding a blind corner in the long tall grass. He has dressed in a full business suit white shirt and tie carrying a briefcase. Our meeting surprises him just as much it surprises me. I had just crossed a tree suspension bridge without falling in when we collided. He was descending the track at speed and I was paying no attention to oncoming traffic.   It was weird, to say the least, to see a suit in a jungle setting.

Over the evening meal, Almo shows us some photos of his morning patient prior to his first op a year ago. The young mans’ upper lip hang’s down below his chin.   He also tells us he is having a problem with a container of medicine, which is in the docks at Conakry.   Apparently, some corrupt customs official won’t release it. I tell him that perhaps I can help. Referring to my list of if in trouble contacts I come up with two contacts for a phone call in the morning.

Early morning Almo is up preparing for ‘Gumdrops’, the phone rings. When Almos patient – ‘Bottom Lip’, drops in, I ring my man Souleymane Souare -Chief du Protocol de la Prefecture de Mali Republique de Guinea Conakry, and. Lieutenant Colonel la Vile Beavogui Directeur General Adjoint des Sevices de Police Conakry République de Guinea.   Miracles don’t just happen on the operating table the container is on its way and so are we. (The container arrived ten days later.)

With Fanny driving we descend out of the mountains passing Mount Kavendou on our left arriving out onto savannah land we stop at Dabola for lunch. It is a small village described by some American in the Bible as a town with a Wild West ambience, obviously helped by some local grass. Pushing on we arrive at Kouroussa with one hour to make the ferry crossing fifteen kilometres away. However, the roller coaster ride with the odd thrilling water splashes defeats us. Pitch number forty-six is under a Kinkilibar tree> a good fire, a good meal and a game of rummy named by Florence as the Cricket Chirp Game. We all sleep solidly through heavy rain.

Our first dawn visitor is a dog followed by his owners one of which informs us that the ferry crossing is anything up to five hundred meters or five kilometres down the road. We leisurely break camp and arrive within two bends at the ferry.   Six trucks and two cars are waiting to be loaded.   Frenetic repairs are in progress to the landing platform, which is a quagmire of oozing mud. With loud encouragement from all in sundry two trucks get aboard with great difficulties.

We are told to wait until the next crossing. In the meantime, a few rock are added to the quagmire. The ferry arrives back within the hour. The first car to disembark sinks to its doors, it eventually arriving on terra firma minus a front bumper. More rocks are added all disappearing after the others into the unknown. Next is a truck, which lands pushing a mudslide. To the amusement of all looking on the foot passengers fair little better. Afficher l'image d'origine

A few more rocks and it’s our turn to board, which is achieved with a panache deserving a round of applause worthy of a champion rally driver. On board, we emerge from a mud-splattered Williwaw to watch the bizarre scene as one truck after the other takes the plunge engulfing the odd slow foot passenger in a coating of chocolate icing. Fares collected we are on our way. Guinea Conakry has no coins and most of the paper currency has spent its lifetime being handled by muddy fingers till it is almost impossible to read their denominations.

The river crossing as with most river crossings in Africa imparts the impression that time is standing still.   The adventures of your travels surround you. There is a mixture of the captivating natural flowing grace of the river a quickening of the heart and a warm feeling of love. It’s a phenomenon, which you can never quite believe in until you experience it yourself.

Our river is the Milo a tributary of the Niger.   A resounding thud announces the arrival on the opposite bank. Without much attention to the positioning of his ramp, our captain has to some degree arrived at his disembarkation point.

The car beside us refuses to take the jump ashore.   After much-heated discussion, it has no choice but to leap.   Leap it does and there right in front of the ramp it stays for the next hour.   Williwaw watches the proceedings with disdain and contempt until it is pushed and pulled to dry land in kit form.

Firing Williwaw up I move her to the opposite side of the ramp. She makes mincemeat of it roaring out beside the stuck car whose demented driver is now demanding a refund from Capitano.

We push on towards Kankan some sixty kilometres away. The journey requires circumnavigation of potholes that could swallow a jumbo jet. They almost double the distance to be travel.   With Kankan on the horizon, a small army of uniformed men halts us – “Pull over.”

Stopping under the shade of a tree one over-weight dude in blue police garb, sporting the obligatory dark sunglasses smells of trouble.   Sure enough, he’s spot on. Passports, Williwaw’s documents followed by the question, “What is the real purpose of your visit?” he demands, I open the back. I feel like telling him that we are here to blow up the Presidents Palace, but instead, while I open Williwaws back door let drop that Lieutenant Colonel la Vile Beavogui Directeur General Adjoint des Sevices de Police Conakry is a personal friend. His face turns ashen, and a small squeaky voice says, “Close please”.   We wave goodbye continuing on our way winding in and around and over the mine-crated road to Kankan.

We are now in Kissi country that makes up about five percent of Guineas population of six odd million people.   The Kissi says Fanny according to our Bible have a strong respect for witchcraft.   According to Florence, she can see no one kissing.

Kankan the second largest town in Guinea is in Malinke country. Populated by the Mandigo group that makes up about thirty-two percent of the southeast highlands population. The Malinke traditionally used cowry shells as a medium of exchange. With the dollar worth about one thousand four hundred to one thousand six hundred Guinean francs (1999) depending on where you exchange – they might be wise to bring back the cowry shell.Afficher l'image d'origine

The Bible says Chez Madame Marie is the best place to stay in Kankan > A guesthouse par excellence where woman travellers are especially welcome. The trouble is that no one knows of its whereabouts. We stop at a bar named London down a few cans of Guinness, which have the immediate effect of enlightening our navigation.

Visiting several dead ends we splash our way in and out of many potholes the size of duck ponds. With patience running low we eventually find the place now called the ‘Refuge’. It is up a laneway that subs up as a rubbish dump. We enter a small courtyard surrounded by prison-like rooms with an open-air kitchen backing onto a sheep pen.   Whoever stayed here must have been high as a kite or dear Madame God rest her youth was offering some Saigon attractions, not on the menu.   It is obvious that the bible has not seen this dump for some years.

With Kankan in total darkness, it is too late for us to go looking for anywhere else. The room is clean, and Williwaw is safe in the courtyard. Madame, a small frail Vietnamese is stretched out under a mosquito net in no mood to move. Only the threat of having her struck off the Bible motivates her to produce a few chips, which we eat to the sound of her generator been whipped and kicked and cursed into action. Resisting all attempts to cast any light, it joins her is a bout of coughing, farting, discharging clouds of smoke, with the odd death wheeze.

The sky opens. We sleep with a thousand Malinkes doing the Cancan on the galvanised roof.   In the morning there is no sign of her Ladyship.   We pack and move out to find breakfast and new lodgings. Driving past the train station, the university, down a wide long mango-shaded avenue, we once again plough our way through large potholes now all overflowing with dark brown water to hit rush hour Kankan style.

Bicycles, Peugeot, trucks, buses, carts, dogs, donkeys, motorbikes – you name it > stopping and starting to the flow of pedestrians who weave in and out of the traffic with the same suggestive body movements of a real Cancan. Most of who are oblivious to any right of way they risk their lives to well-worn disc pads.   We are sucked along with the great unwashed to stop for breakfast at one of the many downtown restaurants.

Drinking large espresso’s with French croissants it is hard to fathom that only a few days ago we were camping in the bush.

At forty-seven thousand guinea francs a room, Bate P’ is our new hotel > Air conditioning, TV, shower, with a large enclosed car park. In fact, everything that Mongo Parks (1771-1806) would have needed on his way down the Niger from Segou a town in southwest Mali. Our first encounter in the hotel is Kadir a Dutch photographer.   He is hoping to follow the Niger to its delta a mere four thousand kilometres away. The first part of his journey is by riverboat from Kankan down the Milo to join the Niger, and then on to Bamako in Mali – a five to a seven-day trip.

It sounds mouth-watering to just sit back and enjoy the scenery. Five hundred kilometres of smooth water after our last four weeks of jolting is just what the doctor ordered, we sign on.

A quick foot reconnaissance of town with the girls uncovers the largest pair of denim jeans this side of the Atlantic. Unlike some of its matching African cities that we have visited Kankan so far has a good-natured feel to it. With colour in competition everywhere the bustling streets are hassle-free. After some excellent yoghurt and a large dose of passing carbon dioxide, we return to our hotel.  Afficher l'image d'origine

Kadir suggests we walk down to the bus station after lunch to check on the ferry progress up river and to book our passage.   Arriving at the booking office we are assured after a long wait that the ferry is due any day now and there was no problem getting the jeep aboard.

I get back to tell Fanny the good news to find her talking to God on the big white telephone. “It’s the salad she moans “In sympathy, my Mount Vesuvius (the ant bite) explodes. The city is plunged once more into silent darkness. Without a flicker from the air-conditioning or the TV, the night is hot and sultry with Fanny beating a track back and forth to the loo. Our room unlike room 101 across the corridor that has a procession of working ladies to keep its occupying colonel cool late into the night our room is hot and sticky making sleep almost impossible.

Morning brings no satisfaction at the reception desk. “What is the point of paying over the top for an air condition room, when the hotel generator is turned off?”   We move to a cheaper room in the old part of the hotel that has ceiling fans.

Next morning Kadir – the Dutch photographer and I make another visit to the booking office.   Fanny’s recovery is helped by a packet of Dioralite. (See Medical list on cd)

(Top TIP:   A Water purification is a must.   We mounted the purification unit and a shower attachment unit on one wooden board. This board could be hung from the roof rack and plugs into one of the power points positioned on the outside of Williwaw under the back door.   A Hand pumped purifiers is too much hard work. We carried one only as a backup. During the whole African trip we used only three replacement filters.)

We are informed that the ferry has been sighted and should arrive shortly, as to exactly when is anyone’s guess. By the look of the depth of Milo River since yesterday, it might be never. It has dropped a good three feet with the dry season approaching.

The afternoon is spent poking our noses in and out of every shop. We visit Issa Traore and Daoudor Traore Antiquaries. According to their owners, some French buyers visit them twice a year and take all they can collect by the container load.

We meet Larry a large Aussi gold miner, and Matthew a retired Canadian geologist who has flown in for a week to do a field survey somewhere nearby, for a different gold mining firm. Unfortunately, Matthew spent most his time stuck in a Guinea pothole until Larry who happened to be passing by rescued him. We meet Leslie another prospector who hails from Fareham just down the road from Winchester, Fanny’s hometown.

Day three in Kankan > There is no sign of Godo the river steamer. From the look of the river, it is high and dry and more than likely will not be seen until next seasons rains. I tell Kadir if he hangs on in Kankan long enough he will be able to walk down the Milo to join the Niger or as it is otherwise known as the Dioliba, the Joliba, the Kworra, and the Timbiko. It is up anchor for us in the morning.

I spend the rest of day with the ice cream man who brings me to his brother a welder for some running repairs to Williwaw’s exhaust. I sell one of my old tyres to one of his many brothers and purchase a new tyre from another brother along with a death mask.   The mask is received by the girls with abject horror it being consigned to the toolbox on the roof under lock and key.

Somewhat disappointed that our African Queen voyage had not materialised we set out for Siguiri I getting a lecture about filling Williwaw with junk. The bible consoles us with a description of the riverside route to Siguiri as being one of the most beautiful one can take.   

Two river crossings later, mud mires that any decent Hippo would be proud to acquire, and potholes that could be seen from outer space, we pitch number forty-seven under a full moon. Exhausted and in excellent temper all around. The beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Day breaks grey and overcast the first for some time. Just what we need says Fanny a drop of rain to fill the potholes. We cross the Niger at 11° 03? N – 9º 14? W. arriving in Siguiri some hours later. We push on after a quick tour of the market. We have not gone more than a few nautical miles from its outskirts when a police barrier stops us. We are sent back to have our passports stamped at the customs that we had driven past without noticing. It’s the first clue that we are about to leave Guinea – I turn down flat, a demand for ten thousand GF to stamp our passports.

Eventually clear to continue we drive on expecting the border at every turn. It does not appear for a further seventy miles of dust, bumps, and our first experience of corrugations.

(Top TIP: There is no happy speed driving corrugation. Coil springs or leak springs without shock absorbers make driving them a nightmare. They vary in depth and width depending on what uses the road, (usually heavy trucks). There is a real learning curve to driving them safely and finding a speed suitable to your vehicle. Short wheel vehicles are more inclined to turn over. The chances of a puncture and blowouts are high. They are not long in finding any loose weakness in your vehicle, be it in the inside, the engine, and the electrical, on top, underneath, your passengers’ tolerance.)

Fully conscious that any sudden requirement of the anchors is utterly a ‘no no’ I struggle to find a suitable speed. Eventually settling for sixty to seventy kilometres to avoid the blithers shaking us to death we drive by village after village leaving villagers who are walking home in clouds of dust   A few ventures on to sidetracks to avoid the corrugations with one last bump we arrive at the frontier Nafadji.

A small village with its centre in no man lands.   Clearing police and customs without too much difficulty, we are sorry to be leaving Guinea a country of unspoiled beauty. Our new hosts Mali at the other end of the village clears us with a pride in their efficiency informing us with glee that from here on it is a smooth ride to Bamako

 

THE BEADY EYE’S UNPUBLISHED BOOK. CHAPTER SEVEN. SECTION THREE

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We limb back to Lebe. Here we meet Hassan a Lebanese trader. Some strong coffee, 1000 FG plus a few hundred bucks exchanged on the black market I am the owner of a two new Pirelli tyre plus new tubes. It’s too late to go any further so the girls check into a Hassan recommended hotel. I take Williwaw off in search of a puncture repairman.

(Top Tip: This profession is usually found at crossroads, in the proximity of bus station lorry depots, taxi ranks, or under an electrical pole.)

Thirty minutes of hammering by a young puncture repairman with the universal African trimmings swap the tube and vanishing tools trick if you have not seen it before and my new tyres are on the wheel hubs. A few bottles of beer later my two-punctured tyres are also fixed.

(Top Tip: Bring your own patches and solvent. African patches are made from old tubes and their glue leaves a lot to be desired.)

That night I have no difficulty sleep although a soldier ant bite between my thumb and index finger is giving some grief.

After weeks of unrestricted space Lebe, the capital of the Fouta Djolon gives us the urban shudders. According to the Bible, our next port of call should be the Chutes de Kinkon. King Kong himself being all of forty-six metres tall its name conjures up a gigantic waterfall. We puncture free arrive in Pita just before lunch. A short distance further on we find a bumpy track down to the falls.   Pass an old dam an ancient codger at a gate stops us. A pass is required to visit the falls to be had back in Pita. Some African bargaining saves the trip back.

A short walk brings us out onto a slippery wet rock platform with a vertical plunge not to be taken. Great wads of ivory smooth water tumble over in silent sheets. The eye follows each sheet in its silent fall to the rocks below where the water rearranges its self for its long journey to the sea. The heat of midday makes the rising spray a welcome soothing sensation on the skin.   The temptation to strip although powerful is put pay too by Florence’s insistence that someone might arrive at any moment. She need not have feared as I had once brought Fanny to the top of the Eiffel Tower where she locked herself onto the wire mesh with vertigo. No encouragement would bring her to edge for a shower.

Dates on a nearby commemorative plaque of some previous distinguished visitors and the less known graffiti recorded dates the possibility of anyone turning up seemed as likely as King Kong himself turning up selling ice cream >, In the end, vanity rules the day.

We leave with the feeling of being there done that bought the tee-shirt. On the road again we head for Dalaba. In its French colonial days a tuberculosis recovery centres, and according to our bible, it has a remarkable Fula Chiefs assemble hall.

Our arrival is announced by a few wandering dogs into a wide street lined on both sides by housing which gives the impression that the place is almost deserted. Dalaba looks as interesting as an Ohio municipal parking block, but surprise, surprise it is sporting a new hotel. Run by a French bloke of some wealth and his refined Guinian wife with two little daughters. Within minutes Florence is in heaven playing.

Over dinner, our host and hostess are both charming and interesting. Along after dinner discussion late into the night covers the French occupation till Charles de Gaulle chucked his hat at it when the Marxist Dictator Sekou Tour’s told him “Guinea prefers poverty in freedom to riches in slavery.”

After which the country was closed to the west for thirty odd years while the bastard Sekou purge all those who were not of the Faranah clan.

Our hosts convince us to stay a day and explore the area. A little luxury won’t go astray for the girls, hot water, comfortable beds, and good food and whisky has us agreeing without much resistance.

Shedding kilos of dead skin under a hot shower we assemble for breakfast. Armed with a map from the local OITD tourist office we set off for the day. The Assembly Hall and Le Pont de Dieu are the destinations.

Built in the thirties, the assembly hall is now surrounded by cheap ugly chalets. The hall itself is rapidly re-assembling itself within its own walls. Standing on a wooden floored in the main assembly room the wooden walls still have some carvings of long-lost animals. It is not difficult to visualise the Fula chiefs clapping hands, stomping their feet with their bracelets tinkling to a Fulani tune that echoed off the surrounding rolling hills.

In less than a wink down the road, we are mounting the steps of large hotel to be greeted into its marble flagged foyer by its young French manageress.   After a month of mostly wild camping and grass huts, a hotel of this size is the last thing we had expected to see.   It comes as somewhat of a shock to find such a large building in the middle of nowhere. Guests are non-existent the views are spectacular, lunch is a disaster, and the Skol isn’t Skol although it is in a Guinness can. The whole place is surreal a hotel in waiting or some enormous tax fiddle.

We leave for Gods Bridge. It is obvious that is has been some time since any others ventured down to Gods Bridge as the tourist desk in the hotel manned by the manageress never heard of it.

I can feel the girls tense as Williwaw wheels collect enough pottery clay to make a new dinner service for the Hotel. We are descending a steep track deeply rutted by running water.

Committed, with no place to turn we slide on. The feeling of skidding sends goose pimples down my back.   My foot is a shuddering and quivering to touch the brakes. Give me rocks anytime. We come to a section of the track that has been wasted away, exposing some large rocks. The drop on our left brings back memories of my Portuguese toilet roll disappearing at speed on its merry way to the Duoro.

I walk the track fully aware that I will have to dive up it on the way back > Tilted to one side it looks very uninviting. Grip is what it is all about so I hug the high ground and as much exposed rock as possible. In a jack-knife posture, we slid across the gap.

(Top TIP: Driving mud. Don’t stop. If feasible keep to where those have gone before in the highest gear possible. Where the rut is too deep get the passengers to risk their life and limb by filling them in with sticks or stones. We found our rope car mats quite useful.)  

It is not long after this excitement that our track comes to a stop. Taking to shanks mare faces of protest says it all. “It’s your fault.” Fanny trudges along like an old woman oblivious to the diversity of her natural surroundings. The bridge is still some distance away according to our map. The forest gives way to very large bamboo until we emerge into a labyrinth of small streams. Gods Bridge turns out to be a natural stone single rounded arch spanning one of the streams.

The walk back to Williwaw is all but too much for Florence. Combined with the anxiety of watching her dad drive the tricky section once more, there is a great sigh of relief for her to see her hotel friends again.

Over dinner, we receive an invitation from Dr Almo B.A. Barry to stay with him at his village of birth Kola Hendek. “Here you will see Guinea in its struggle to exist in the present world.”  “My village is on our route to Kourussa. “It’s some three clicks along the railway line. Just past Mamou, hang a right and you’re sure to find me.” I accept. The likely hood of us finding the exact turn off is a thousand to one.

Pushing on the next morning our lush countryside passes quickly with the driving surface improves by the mile. Fruit of all kinds dribbles down our chins. Oranges, tangerines, grapefruit, mangoes, pineapples, serve to quench our thirst. While I am in danger of developing perilous dodgy heat rash on my bum from sticking to synthetic leather the girls have a big sheepskin from Lancashire called Sourbutt to keep their bums cool.

(Top TIP: Take or buy a sheepskin to sit on for coolness, comfort, warmth etc. When travelling with a child, it can be of great comfort and can sub up as a cover for night-time in desert or at altitude.)

Reaching Mamou we hit a tar road.   Immediately Williwaw has a mind of her own. She is pulling to the left and then the right. Something wrong with the steering I think. Stopping, nothing appears visible wrong but the very minute we start again she needs constant corrections.

In my nitwit naivety, we stop again while I check the wheel bolts.

(Top TIP: A good habit when driving off-road is to go around your wheel bolts once in a while with your wheel brace.   We also had security bolts fitted to each wheel to prevent theft.)

Still waltzing it eventually dawns on me that the problem is my new Pirellis. Each tyre has a completely different tyre patterns. How I wish once more that I had invested in a decent set of off-road tyres. There is nothing for it but to stop and change the tyres back to a unified set.

Unlike Europe, a man with a flat tyre in Africa is offered assistance as a matter of course. The AA or RAC of Africa no matter where you happen to be is a willing internet of hands that materialize as if by magic. On this occasion, we happen to be just down the road from the turnoff to Kola Hendek marked by an invisible signpost.   A tree what else.

With the old tyres back on Fanny in true English demeanour is apprehensive about inflicting ourselves on a total stranger. “Sure we just stop for a cuppa.”   Back onto a dirt road, the lie of the land is now much flatter. We pass plantation after plantation of peanuts, cassava, with a few shallow stream crossings thrown in for good measure. One hour later from the main road we pull up outside Dr Barry’s holiday home. His welcome is open and full of delight to see us.Afficher l'image d'origine

Almo, known as Chief Doc Barry is in his early forties. He introduces us to his German girlfriend a Frankfurt nurse. He is the driving force behind a school and a small medical dispensary built out of his own pocket. A dynamo of energy continually on the move he speaks German, French, English, and Pulaar. He himself has just arrived a day or so in front of us. He introduces us to three village elders who have arrived for supper. . I get a feeling of almost complete dissociation as they exchange news.   “They are nothing without their cattle, just families living off their fields as the grain ripens.”

Almo later explained (over a cup of Kinkilibar his favourite drink made from a leaf with lemon and sugar or honey. The leaf is boiled to remove a poison, and then re-boiled. It bets all our thirst quenching purchases of the day. We learn that he is here to perform an operation on a young man who wants to get married. Some years ago he operated on the same fellow, who had the worst top lip deformation he had ever seen, hanging down over his chin.

We also learn that he was one of the last men to escape the reign of terror in Guinea. That he moved to Germany following the end of the Second World War, where he became a very successful surgeon. At that time in Germany, he describes to me that he had to stand with his hands behind his back at many an operation. “Blacks were not allowed to touch anything in those days.”

We chat long into the night covering everything from deep-rooted traditions and superstitions to his ambitions for the future. “Everything is a struggle against the backwardness and fatalism of his people who have given up expecting anything from the government.”

We agree that is almost impossible to marry the legacy of traditionalism with the need to come to terms with the modern world. That aid is not the World Bank or the IMF granting large loans to third world countries. That the very words ‘Third World’ should be abolished and replaced with ‘Developing’ and that private hands-on investment is far the better option.

When you think that one in five people have no access to safe drinking water and that we have been trying to eradicate Malaria for god knows how long its time to move away from voluntary Aid to a source of continual aid funding.

Our master plan developed into the early hours of the morning is that:

All stock exchanges, lotteries, Sovereign Wealth Funds, High-frequency Trading, Currency trading over $20,000 and world sporting bodies and the like should be brought into the United Nations and made sign a charter that would compel them to forsake a small percentage of their profits, 0.005%

A world aid COMMISSION

The funds generated would then be the corner-stone of a new World United Nations Investment Fund. 

The funds would change the United Nations Aid programmes from a helpless G2O begging organisation to an organisation with its own clout.  

The Investment funds to be operated by independently appointed experts from the world business community.

 THE UNITED NATIONS INVESTMENT FUND:

This fund would then to be placed on the world stock exchanges where

It would benefit from the one virus that is consuming the world.

Greed:

By placing The Fund on the world stock exchanges it would ensure the fund transparent. Standing, on its own successes and failures.

Each country to submit a candidate for election to its board:

 All successful candidates being subject to re-election every five years:

All projects requiring funding to be submitted (other than genuine humanitarian aid) for approved by the board to establish their cost and viability.

The successful projects to be funded would then be placed in a yearly drawn on a ‘lotto’ base.   This would cut out any interference from political corruption or pressure outside groups.  

 The yearly Draw to be featured on An independent United Nations TV channel.

 A dedicated United Nations Web site would monitor the projects > reporting on their progress and certify their completion.

The culture of growth for growth’s sake must be brought to a halt.

You know say’s Almo, “that one of the problems with Aid is the Aid culture itself.

Something for nothing gives no sense of pride to anyone. The world has a duty to Africa. The whole of the world was young in Africa once. “

That Kinkilibar tea is addictive. 

Morning:   With Almo long gone to his surgery, dawn breaks.  We visit his school and dispensary, after which I decide to take a hike into the surrounding countryside.   The girls decide to spend the day with girlish things that they have been neglected for some time.Afficher l'image d'origine

Before I am out of the village I have an escort, a youth of twelve with two others – one a toddler. An increase in pace, the waving of hands in a go home signal, shoo, shoo’s has no effect. On we march in convoy until the first stream crossing. No luck they all manage to wade across. Long grass now encloses the track. Yellow butterflies jig a merry dance; gathering here and there in bunches to form yellow stepping-stones on the reddish-brown earth of the track.

The second stream crossing does the trick, too deep for the little ones.   The arrival of a young man on the opposite side of the stream soon has them scampering home followed by some harsh Pulaar.   My new companion out of politeness now falls in with my stride. To the great annoyance of each household’s dog, we walk through a village. The conversation is limited to a smattering of French.

One more stream crossing and we arrive at his village. Here I am invited to meet his wife. She is a young, so frail in statue that she scarcely casts a shadow. Their home is surrounded by the usual fence of thorny bush with a small flower garden which I find novel – flowers are not a high priority in African eyes. Inside the house is a bed alongside one wall, a radio, a large canari (earthenware water pot), the classic three stone fire, the odd piece of cheap furniture, some posters, and the inescapable suitcase. It’s like an oven indoors so I take my tea outside.

Sitting in the shade surrounded by lush fertile land the last thing I was expecting to see is a television image of Africa. Brittle little legs supporting a large swollen stomach shock me into silence. Showing all the signs of malnutrition their first-born waddles towards me. It takes me completely by surprise, and I am sure I am visibly off guard. The young man esquires if Dr Barry has arrived.   I encourage him to bring his child saying that I will tell Dr Barry to expect him in the morning. He promises to call. Our departing handshake stays with me as I return along the same track.

The news back at base is that word has reached the young man who is hoping to be married. Unfortunately, he is some distance away and might not make it to the operating table in time. I tell Almo of my meeting with malnutrition. “Did she have red hair,” I had not noticed. “It’s probably Kwashiorkor a type of malnutrition in children caused by the traditional diet of corn meal,” says Almo > Curable. “

Almo asks if I had seen the school and the dispensary. “Who old do you think the buildings are? Fifteen years. Wrong, they are only three years old. As I said last night the god damned Africans have no respect for anything they get free.

You will see on your journey that all over Africa there is a donor’s disease called ‘get it for free’ “no training, no value, no change, no motive, only greed.”

Tonight say’s Almo, “there is a village meeting of the elders here in the house. You will witness what I mean and what I am up against. The man I left in charge of the dispensary has been screwing the locals. He was under my instructions not to charge for the medicines but I am told he is lining his own pockets. I will have to fire him and if I fire him, I will be out of favour with some of the elders.

I suggest that perhaps if I was to do the firing it could save him the politics.

For my afternoon entertainment, he suggests that I should walk over to a rock face where there is a large colony of baboons. The girls once more decide to stay with the manicuring non-baboon style.